Do You Remember
by LovePeeta
Summary: After the rebellion ended, Peeta didn't return to District 12. Two years later, Katniss is still trying to put the pieces back together. What happens when she receives some unexpected news about him? Will she fight for him or leave him like he left her?
1. Prologue

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N Okay, I know how incredibly short this is. I was originally going to write a one-shot, but then I realized that I wasn't done with it yet. So, this is kind of like a prologue. Tell me what you think! **

**PS. I'm still working on Playing With the Odds, so this one may not get updated as quickly until I'm done with it.**

Running. I'm running as fast as my legs will carry me. Lightning flashes across the night sky. Rain is beating down against my skin so hard that I can barely see, but I can't stop. I have to get to him in time. I run through the woods and slip under the fence in one swift motion. I'm out of breath, but it doesn't matter. His house is finally in front of me, and I burst through the door. I frantically yell his name, but no one answers. He's not there.

The next thing I heard was a piercing scream. It took me a minute to realize where the noise was coming from, but I looked around to see that I was sitting up straight in my bed. The scream was my own. The thunder boomed and I jumped. It was just a nightmare, I told myself. Not real. But as I glanced around the room, I knew it was a lie. My reality is no different from the nightmares I face every night, and there's no one here to hold me while I cry.

Instead of trying to go back to sleep, I get up and go downstairs. The last embers are burning out in the fireplace. I don't bother turning on the lights though. I stumble over to the couch and curl up into a ball.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am nineteen years old. The rebellion ended two years ago. Prim is gone, my mother is in District 4, Gale is working in District 2, and I haven't seen Peeta since the day I shot President Coin. I'm alive. Real or not real?


	2. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended. Also, the zip code I used in this chapter is completely random, and I have no idea if it really exists.**

**A/N I finally felt inspired and wrote the first chapter! I'm super excited about this story, and I hope you guys like it! Review please! :)**

The screen door slams behind me with a bang as I walk outside. The cool, morning wind brushes my face, and I pause for a moment to take a deep breath. Slowly, I walk down the gravel road that winds through Victor's Village. The tiny buds on either side of the road are just starting to open into yellow flowers as spring progresses. They remind me of Prim, so I look away.

Out of habit, my gaze lands on Haymitch's house. Our friendship, if you could call it that, has been steadily deteriorating since the end of the rebellion and is all but nonexistent now. After the shock wore off, my anger for him returned. I know it isn't fair to hold a grudge, but it's not something I can turn off. Even if I try not to, I still associate him with what happened to Peeta.

The last time I saw Peeta was at Snow's "assassination," which was also the day I shot Coin. Everything about that day and the months that followed has started to become a blur, but there is one part I remember clearly. The part when Peeta saved me. I push the thought from my mind before any more memories can come back. Quickly, I remind myself of my purpose for leaving the house.

My mother is going to be in District 12 today. She visits twice a year and stays for about a week. I have to admit that I am ready to see her. Unlike so many of the other things in my life, our relationship has only been improving since the rebellion. After Greasy Sae told her I spent all of my time sitting on the couch and refused to leave the house, she started calling every night to make sure I was still functioning. At first, I didn't answer the phone. After about a week she started calling Haymitch, and I started answering just so he would leave me alone. After two years I have grown to enjoy our phone conversations. I can tell she still worries about me when I have very little to tell her about my day, but she doesn't push me about it anymore.

As I enter the town, I can hear the sounds of hammers clanging and people talking. The construction in District 12 has been slow, but there has been steady progress. The school was the first thing to be rebuilt. It is still a small building, but it is enough to hold the students here. More and more housing has been built with the return of old residents and entrance of new ones. The biggest improvement, however, happened when the new government discovered how many herbs were in the woods, and they decided to build a new hospital in District 12. The construction is only beginning, but my mother still asks about it almost every time we talk.

I reach the town square and see her sitting at a picnic table inspecting her surroundings. Her blonde hair, which is starting to gray, is blowing softly in the wind. I know the years have been hard on her too, but she is more alive now than she ever was in District 12.

"Hey, Mom."

When she hears me, she turns her head and rushes to hug me. I'm taken aback at first because that's not the greeting I get from most people, but it feels nice so I hug her back.

"How are you doing, honey? You look exhausted."

Self-consciously, I rub what I'm sure are dark circles under my eyes.

"I didn't sleep much last night, but it's no big deal. I'm fine."

She looks skeptical of my answer but accepts it anyway after a moment.

"Well, maybe you will sleep better tonight with someone else in the house. I worry about you being there alone so much."

"Yeah, maybe."

We both take a suitcase and start walking back to Victor's Village. Technically I can afford to pay for one of the new taxi cabs, but I feel more comfortable walking. My mother must feel the same way because she doesn't mention it either.

"So how is everything in District 4? Have you seen Annie or Finnick Jr. lately?"

"Everything is going well. Yes, actually, Annie brought him in for a check-up earlier this week. You should really come see him sometime, Katniss, he is getting so big! I'm sure Annie would love to see you too. She asks about you all the time."

I feel a pang of guilt for not thinking about Annie very often or ever visiting her. We were never close, but I felt like we had established some kind of bond during the rebellion. I just don't feel right acting like we were friends when it was my fault her son doesn't have a father.

"Um, yeah it would be nice to see her sometime."

I can tell my answer doesn't please her because she bites her lip and doesn't reply. I choose not to push it any further. We finally reach my house and I help her take her stuff to one of the spare bedrooms.

After helping her settle in, I ask, "So what would you like to do today? I can show you the new hospital if you'd like."

"Maybe tomorrow. I would just like to rest today if you don't mind."

"Okay."

We make our way downstairs and sit on the brown leather couch. I turn on the television, but discover after a quick scan of the channels that nothing I care to watch is on. There are the usual soap operas on the Capitol channel, but they seem stupid to me. The last thing I want to do is worry about a fictional character's dramatic life. I have enough problems of my own.

We spend most of the afternoon catching up. She tells me about her patients, and I tell her about Greasy Sae's latest creative recipes. After a moment of silence, she asks, "Katniss, do you ever talk to anyone? Besides Sae and her granddaughter, I mean."

Her question makes me chew on my lip while I try to find a way to answer. The truth is I don't talk to anyone. I barely even talk to Greasy Sae and her granddaughter other than to thank them for the meals. But who else is there? Everyone in town leaves me alone, and I'm not about to go knock on Haymitch's door for a neighborly chat. I decide my best option is to be honest.

"No, not really."

She gives me a sympathetic look, and I want to tell her not to worry. When I open my mouth to speak, she interrupts. Quietly, as if she is afraid to ask, she says, "Have you heard from Peeta?"

The question catches me off-guard. I try not to think about him most of the time, and my dream last night has made it even harder today.

Just as quietly, I mumble, "No."

She places a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I can't understand why he hasn't tried to contact you. I know he still wasn't fully recovered, but he loved you. Anyone could see that Snow hadn't destroyed that part of him."

The pain in my chest that always accompanies his name overwhelms me. It's one thing to think about him, but talking about him isn't something I want to do.

"Have you ever considered talking to a therapist? I know Dr. Aurelius was working with you in the beginning, but I think you would benefit from seeing someone in person."

I'm sure she was trying to be helpful, but her suggestion sends a spark of anger through me. I grit my teeth when I reply, "No, I haven't. I don't need to talk to anyone."

"I know you don't want to, but I think it would really help you, honey. You have been through a lot of traumatic events, and it's too much for you to deal with on your own. You are a very strong person, but that doesn't mean you don't need help."

I laugh humorlessly. "A lot of traumatic events. That's a nice way to say that my life has been a living hell for the last four years."

"I'm sorry, honey, but that's exactly why I think you need help."

I stand up and walk to the kitchen in a small, and probably immature, fit of anger.

"I don't need help! There's no amount of counseling that will bring Dad or Prim or Peeta back!" Then I mumble, "I don't even know if Peeta's alive."

My chest aches even more with each name I say, and tears sting my eyes with the knowledge that my last statement could be true.

My mother must realize that I am in no mood to continue this discussion because she simply gives me a hug and doesn't say anything else. For the first time in years I let her comfort me and release the tears I've been holding in.

When I finally calm down, she lets go and says, "I think you need to get some rest. Why don't you take a nap? Sae should be here soon so I won't be alone. When you wake up, we'll have supper ready for you."

I nod once and walk up the stairs to my room. Almost as soon as I lay down, I drift off. When I wake up, I can tell I've been asleep for awhile. I look at my alarm clock and see that it's been two hours. Slowly, I get out of bed and walk downstairs. My mother and Greasy Sae are sitting at the kitchen table speaking in hushed tones about what looks to be a serious matter. They both stop talking when I enter the room and look at me with big, and fake, smiles.

"Hi, honey. How was your nap?"

"It was fine."

I take a seat next to Greasy Sae and investigate the meal. My mother must have talked her into cooking something normal tonight because there is a bowl of chicken noodle soup in front of me. I eat it without a word. After I finish, I feel them both staring at me.

Sighing, I say, "Will one of you please tell me what's going on?"

I can tell there is something other than their usual concern because they give each other a worried look. Finally my mom says, "There's something you need to see."

She picks up an envelope that I hadn't noticed before and hands it to me.

"This came for you while you were asleep."

I take the envelope and examine the outside. It looks worn and has no return address, but there is a Capitol seal in the corner. I immediately realize that it's not the seal President Paylor designed. This seal represents the Panem that existed under Snow.

My heart is starting to race, but I lose my breath completely when I see my address written in what looks to be a rushed manner. Slowly, I run my finger across the words.

_Katniss Everdeen _

_Victor's Village 209 _

_District 12 46712_

I would recognize that handwriting anywhere. It belongs to Peeta.


	3. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Review please & tell me what you think! :)**

With shaking hands, I cautiously open the letter. Seeing Peeta's handwriting overwhelms me, and suddenly I don't want to read it with my mother watching. I glance up to see her looking at me expectantly.

"So what does it say? Do you know who it's from?"

"I don't feel well. I think I'm going to go lie down," I mumble.

It's not completely a lie, but my mother doesn't buy it.

"Katniss, what are you not telling me?"

After a few seconds of consideration, I realize she will only worry more if I don't tell her. I close my eyes and sigh slowly in defeat. "I… think it's from Peeta. I want to read it in privacy, if you don't mind."

Her chin drops slightly, but then her lips turn up into a sympathetic smile. "Of course, honey. I'll be right here."

I sprint up the stairs to my room, slam the door, and sit down right there on the floor with my back pressed against the hard wall. The tears roll down my face and my body shakes. Lately all I have been doing is crying, and I hate it. That's not who I am, or at least not who I used to be.

The letter stares up at me from the hardwood floor where it fell. I'm not sure I want to read it.

What if Peeta wrote to say that he has moved on? What if he's married with a family? I try to imagine him coming home from his new bakery. Kissing a woman with long blonde hair like his. Playing with two blue-eyed children who come running when they see him.

But I just can't make him fit in that picture. It's like trying to force a puzzle piece in the wrong spot.

Although if he has moved on, I should be happy for him. I remember the night on the beach in the arena. I planned for him to live a long and happy life, at the cost of my own. But then I hear his gentle voice in my mind as he pleaded with me.

"_If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life. I would never be happy again." _

No, it just doesn't add up. Selfishly, I think there's no way Peeta could move on knowing that I was here in District Twelve.

Could he?

No, he couldn't. The Peeta I knew would never love anyone else unless my heart stopped beating, and maybe not even then. But that was my Peeta, not Snow's creation. With a deep breath that makes me shudder, I pick up the letter and start to read.

_Katniss,_

_I know you are probably angry with me, but please read the entire letter because it's very important. I hope this one makes it to you because they have caught me several times and I'm not sure what they'll do if it happens again. _

_There are a lot of things that I want to say, but I don't have very much time. The war isn't over, Katniss. When I boarded the train to leave the Capitol, it didn't take me long to realize that I wasn't going to District Twelve. They stopped the train about a mile from the station and threw me into the back of a van. They drove back to the Capitol and parked at a large red house. I've been locked in the basement for about a year and a half now I think. They are —_

_I have to hurry now because the guard is coming back. _

_There is an underground network of Snow's people who are trying to take the Capitol. You have to stop them. Don't trust anyone except Paylor._

_I love you. Always._

_Peeta_

I have to read the letter again for his words to sink in. Something in me acknowledges that it has to be true, but I still can't believe it. Everything starts spinning, and I can't be in the house anymore so I grab my shoes and fling the door open. My mother jumps up as I run down the stairs.

"Katniss, where are you going?"

I manage to yell, "The woods!" before I am out the door.

The fence no longer stands between the district and the woods so I don't stop once. I run until the trees are so thick I have to slow down. I stand there for a moment trying to process what Peeta said. He is being held hostage by _Snow's _people.

The silence of the woods is broken by my piercing scream. I pick up a rock and throw it as hard as I can. A flock of birds fly out of a treetop, and I wish I could fly away too. Away from District Twelve, away from the Capitol, away from Snow. But none of that is possible. Instead, I collapse on the ground and cry. The sobs wrack my chest, and I don't try to stop them. My shrieks have become so loud that I expect someone to hear me, but no one comes.

When I finally stop crying, I feel like such a fool. Peeta has been risking his life to reach me for over a year, and how do I react when he finally does? I turn into a sobbing mess. Maybe my mother was right. I do need mental help.

Mentally unstable or not, I can't ignore what I know. I inhale the soothing scent of the pine trees and force myself to think clearly. I have to tell Paylor. But how? Snow's people no doubt have someone monitoring her calls and letters. I realize that there is really only one option. I have to go to the Capitol.

The thought of returning sends a shudder down my spine, but my resolve quickly overpowers my fear. Peeta is counting on me to save Panem and to save him, and I'm not going to let him down. Not again.

The same anxiety I felt in those last fateful moments of the Quarter Quell returns. The other tributes separated me from Peeta, and no matter how much I would like to blame Haymitch, I let that happen. With a sudden rush of adrenaline coursing through me, I stand up and leave the woods. But I don't return to my house. I find myself standing on the very porch I have been avoiding for the last year. Without a moment of hesitation, I knock on the door. A foul odor overwhelms my senses as soon as it opens.

"Well, look who it is. Did you get bored and decide to scream at me some more?" Haymitch sneers arrogantly, and I can smell the alcohol on his breath from where I stand.

Ignoring his question, I jerk the bottle from his hand and throw it across the porch. He stares at me in shock as it crashes against the railing and shatters. Before he can protest, I cut him off.

"Get inside. We need to talk, and I need you sober."

He slurs, "Good to see you're back to your old self. What is it, sweetheart? Did you have a bad day?"

I glare at him angrily for a moment before brushing past him and into the kitchen. He sighs and reluctantly shuts the door. When he turns around I have returned with a pitcher of water, which I throw on him.

He jumps and shouts, "Hey! What was that for?"

My voice is cold when I demand, "Are you listening now or do I need to do it again?"

He studies my face for a moment before saying, "You're really serious, aren't you?"

I answer him with a nod. He stumbles onto the soiled couch and motions for me to join him. I shake my head and pull the folded envelope from my pocket.

"Read this, and don't ask questions until you've read all of it." I thrust the letter at him.

He raises an eyebrow before taking it from me and examining the Capitol seal.

"Is this?"

I nod my head and he carefully removes the letter, as if it might explode with the slightest touch. He reads it and then reads it again. He appears to be just as shocked as I was. When he is done, he looks at me with a serious expression.

"What are you going to do with this?"

My mouth falls open in disbelief. He can't be serious.

"What do you mean, what am I going to do? I'm going to the Capitol, with or without your help," I yell.

He nods and hands me the letter. "Good answer."

He stands up and picks up the phone. After a moment, I hear him say, "I need to reserve two tickets for the next train going to the Capitol." Apparently there is a problem because he exchanges a few choice words with the receptionist. I would feel bad for her if I wasn't feeling impatient myself. He must manage to work out a deal because after a long pause, he says, "We'll be there."

He hangs up the phone and walks back to the living room where I'm standing. Looking me straight in the eyes, he says, "The train leaves in forty-five minutes. Go home, pack a bag, and don't tell anyone where you are going. Be back here in twenty minutes. Got it?"

I nod and sprint out the door and to my house. I run straight to my room without a word and grab my duffle bag. Frantically, I toss the first clothes I can find into the bag. I retrieve my essentials from the bathroom and look around my room for anything I forgot. That's when I spot the small box sitting on my desk. I let the bag fall to my bed and slowly approach it. I carefully remove the lid and pick up the pearl that Peeta gave me. Haymitch had managed to find it and return it to me after my trial. I stare at it for a minute and then clutch it tightly to my chest. I remember that I have to leave and quickly shove the pearl in my pocket. I finish packing and look at the clock. Five minutes.

I rush down the stairs and stop when I see my mother. Greasy Sae is gone, and she is sitting on the couch waiting for me. I feel my throat tighten as I realize this might be the last time I'll see her.

She notices my bag and meets my eyes with a stern look. "Katniss, I don't know what Peeta said, but you need to take some time to think before you do anything rash."

I drop my bag and run to her. She is shocked by the intensity of my embrace, but she hugs me back.

I pull away after a moment, and she says, "Honey, I'm worried. What are you doing?"

I hurriedly wipe the tears away from my eyes. "I have to leave right now. I can't tell you where I am going, but you have to trust me. I'll be with Haymitch."

She starts to reply, but I cut her off. "Please just trust me."

She stares into my eyes for a long moment, as if she is trying to will me to stay. Finally she sighs. "Okay. Just… promise me that you'll come back."

I nod guiltily, knowing that it might not be a promise I can keep. She knows this too.

She hugs me again and says, "I love you."

I grab my bag and open the door. "I love you too."

Without another word, I run to Haymitch's house and climb in the back of the taxi waiting in his driveway. As soon as I shut the door, Haymitch tells the driver to go. I stare out the window and watch my district fly by.

In another twenty minutes, we have boarded the train and are on the way to the Capitol. I deposit the bag in my cabin and take a seat in the chair next to Haymitch.

"What's the plan?"

Haymitch gruffly replies, "The first thing we have to do is inform Paylor."

"But Peeta is—"

He cuts me off, "You know just as well as I do what would happen if the Mockingjay showed up to rescue Peeta without any help. In fact, that's probably what they're counting on. I don't know any postal worker who would mail a letter with the seal of our former dictatorship on the front of it without a serious bribe. Do you really want to hand them their most valuable prisoner?"

I realize he is right and stubbornly answer, "No."

"Then we have to act carefully. That means there is no room for your crazy schemes. Do you understand?"

As much as I want to yell at him, I have no choice but to agree. Peeta's life depends on it. So I nod my assent. He gives me a questioning look.

"I mean it. No improvising."

"I'll do what you say," I grumble.

"Good," he continues. "After we tell Paylor, we'll figure out a way to find Peeta. Now you should get some rest."

This time I don't argue with him. I stand up and walk back to my cabin. I don't even bother to change into my night clothes. I crawl into bed fully clothed and remove the pearl from my pocket. I bring it to my lips and think about the last line of Peeta's letter for the first time today.

"_I love you. Always."_

I know it's inconsequential after all that we have been through, but those four words are like a lifeline. After two years of not knowing if Peeta hated me or if he was even alive, they are more than I ever hoped for. I still don't know if he is recovered or if the letter was only a product of one of his good days when he remembered I wasn't a mutt. But either way, they are proof that the boy with the bread still exists.

Slowly, I exhale and slide the pearl back into my pocket.

I'm coming for you, Peeta. No matter what it takes.


	4. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Review please! :)**

I can feel myself growing more and more impatient with each mile. Finally, Haymitch groans, "You do know that the train doesn't move any faster just because you're pacing the floor, right?"

I shoot him a glare. "How much farther?"

"The tunnel is just up ahead."

I nod and sit down. Within minutes, I've established a new pattern. Look out the window, check the time, repeat. I can feel Haymitch's stare so I look up. "What?"

"You're acting like a five year old with the way you keep fidgeting."

"If I'm bothering you that much, then why don't you go lay down or something?

He sighs and takes another drink from the bottle he's been clutching since I woke up. I return to my impatient pacing. For about the millionth time just in the few hours I've been awake, my thoughts drift to Peeta. He has been locked up for over a year. How could this have happened without anyone knowing? Sadly, I realize it probably wasn't that hard. Peeta didn't have anyone who expected him to be coming home, no one to miss him. I might have known he was returning if I had answered the phone one of the many times Effie called. Suddenly, I realize who else Effie would have called.

"Haymitch, did you know Peeta was coming back to District Twelve?"

He brings the bottle to his lips but doesn't answer. "Haymitch, did you know?" I demand.

He sets the bottle down and leans forward in his seat. "Yes, Effie called."

I don't ask for an explanation. I can't stand to be in the same room with him long enough for that. As I'm almost back to my cabin, Haymitch yells, "Katniss, get back here. You can decide if you hate me after you hear the rest of the story."

I stop and consider for a moment before turning around. "You have exactly thirty seconds before I throw you off the train."

I give him the most menacing look I can manage, but he just rolls his eyes impatiently.

"Effie called about a month after we returned to District Twelve and said that Peeta had been cleared to leave. She tried to call you too, if I remember correctly. Several times."

Guiltily, I look out the window. "Anyway, when he didn't show up after a week, I called back and got her secretary instead. The secretary told me Peeta had decided that he needed a fresh start at a new place. It didn't sound like something he would do, but I figured he deserved it if that's what he wanted after everything he had gone through."

I don't know how to respond to what Haymitch just said. I'm still angry, but mostly I'm hurt.

In a small voice, I ask, "Why didn't you tell me before? Even if it wasn't really true, I deserved to know."

He laughed like something I said was funny, which only fueled the anger I was feeling. "Every time I tried, you either refused to answer or bit my head off. I believe you actually tried to throw a knife at me once! Peeta's decision to leave District Twelve was starting to make more sense every day."

This time I don't stop when Haymitch calls for me to come back. I walk straight to my cabin and slam the door. I bury myself under the sheets and pillows and only resurface when an attendant knocks on the door to say that we have arrived at the Capitol. I don't even look at Haymitch when we get off the train.

"You are going to have to talk to me."

I ignore him and keep walking.

He sighs, "I'm sorry. I was out of line. But blaming me for what happened to Peeta isn't going to do anything to help him."

I know he's right, but I'm not ready to forgive and forget yet so I just nod and follow him to the car Paylor sent for us. When we arrive at the mansion, I am struck by how completely different it is from the last time I was there. The garden is bursting with yellow, orange, pink, and many other vibrant colors. I don't recognize the flowers, but they are beautiful. So different from the roses that used to exist in their place. Just the thought of Snow's roses makes my stomach turn, and I have to force myself to keep walking.

We are greeted by a man at the door with a thick Capitol accent. He takes our names and leads us up the stairs and down a long hallway. As we walk, I look at the people around us. Secretaries, men wearing suits and talking into earpieces, someone vacuuming an empty office. How many of these people are working for Snow? I examine the woman sitting at the desk to my right. A pretty, young girl with brown hair. She's probably no older than I am. She laughs into the phone and writes something down on one of the papers scattered across her desk. She doesn't look like someone who is trying to overthrow the government, but how would I know if she was? How would anyone know?

Eventually we stop in front of a door marked "President Paylor." After a quick knock, the man opens the door and ushers us into the office. It's a large room with books covering the walls and a desk by the window. Haymitch and I sit in the chairs facing the desk. Paylor thanks the man and turns to us after he leaves.

"It's nice to see you two again," she smiles. She picks up on our sullen moods instantly and adds, "But I'm guessing this isn't a social visit."

I start to speak, but Haymitch cuts in before I can. "What? Can we not visit an old friend without there being something wrong?"

He ignores the look I am giving him and continues. "Maybe you could show us around the mansion so we can see all the renovations you've made. Like the garden out back?"

I know Haymitch has no interest in seeing the garden, or any of the new renovations for that matter. I realize what I should have picked up on from the start. Just like our houses in Victor's Village were, the whole mansion is likely to be bugged. Paylor gives us a questioning look but nods and stands up. We follow her out of the office and outside to a quaint, gravel pathway. We walk a long way before anyone speaks. I assume we are out of hearing distance when Paylor leads us over to a faded wooden table. She motions for us to sit and we do.

"So why did you really come?"

"Katniss got a letter a few days ago that I think you need to see."

Both of them watch me as I pull the folded letter out of my pocket and hand it to her. I see the quick flash of shock in her eyes as she surveys the envelope. Quickly, she pulls the letter out and begins to read. After what feels like forever, she places the letter on the table and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Of course I've known that there were those who still supported Snow, but up until now I never knew it was this serious." She turns to me, "Katniss, you have to know that I had no idea that Peeta was involved."

I ignore the feeling I get in my stomach when she says his name and nod. Haymitch asks, "What are we going to do?"

"First, we need to find the house mentioned in the letter. It probably isn't well hidden if they expected her to find it with such a vague description."

There is something wrong with her answer, but I can't figure out what it is. I think Haymitch notices it too, but then he gives Paylor a knowing look. I'm thinking about what she said when I hear something that catches my attention.

Paylor is speaking into her head piece. "Beetee, this is Paylor. Meet me in the garden when you get the chance. At the picnic tables."

"Beetee is here?"

"Yes, he chose to stay and work in the technology department."

Huh. I never gave much thought to where the other victors went after the rebellion ended, but it fits him. Within minutes, we see him walking down the path.

"Katniss? Is that you?" he calls.

I smile and wave back at him. He looks exactly the same as the last time I saw him. After we all exchange greetings, he sits on the bench next to Paylor.

"What can I do for you, President?"

"I need you to track every call made from the mansion for the last 18 months. There's a list of numbers in the file room. Check for any recurring numbers that you don't recognize, and let me know as soon as you find something."

He doesn't ask any questions before standing up to leave. "Yes, ma'am. I'm on it. It was great to see you again Katniss, Haymitch."

"You too, Beetee," I reply as he walks away.

I turn back to Paylor. "Do you think he will find anything?"

She sighs. "I certainly hope so."

It's at least an hour before we hear anything else. Haymitch and I are eating in silence when Paylor knocks on the door. We follow her to her office where Beetee is waiting. He begins talking as soon as we sit down.

"I found this number fifteen times just in the last week. All of the calls were made from a phone in an unoccupied office." Paylor writes down the number he is pointing at. "Did you look at the security cameras?"

He fumbles around in his coat pocket for a minute before producing a black and white photograph. "Yes, this woman has entered the office several times, and they all correlate with the times of the phone calls."

"I see," Paylor mumbles as she analyzes the photo. "That's the new intern. Amelia Ryne."

She turns to Beetee again. "Thank you. That's exactly what I needed."

He smiles and says, "Glad I could help. May I ask what happened to bring two of my old friends back?"

Paylor hesitates for a moment. "I'll let you know more soon. For now, just don't tell anyone about this."

"Of course!" He stands up, shakes Paylor's hand, and leaves the room mumbling something about some kind of tracking device I've never heard of. Paylor makes a call and tells us to wait in her office. I occupy myself by picking the nonexistent lint off my shirt. Haymitch clears his throat, "Are you really still mad at me? I told you I was sorry."

I don't acknowledge him. "Katniss, save your stubbornness for some other time. We're going to have to work together whether you like it or not. "

When I still don't answer, he sighs. "You and Peeta are the closest thing I have had to family in a long time. Do you honestly think I would intentionally let these people take him if I had any idea what was going on?"

That finally gets me, and then I feel guilty. Other than my mom, who I rarely see, Haymitch and Peeta are the only family I have left; and I know he loves Peeta too. Quietly, I mumble, "No."

Haymitch reaches an outstretched hand in my direction. Just after I shake it, a slender woman with shockingly red hair and pale skin walks into the office followed by Paylor.

"Amelia, take a seat."

She complies and instantly notices me and Haymitch. She stares for a long moment before it finally clicks, and when it does she gasps.

"You're the Mockingjay!"

I shudder at the mention of my symbol in the war. I've been doing my best to shed that title during the last two years, but I guess there are just some things that people will never forget. Before I can reply, Paylor cuts in. "That's not important. I have a few questions for you, Amelia. First, do you recognize this number?"

Amelia immediately shakes her head. "I've never seen it before."

Paylor raises an eyebrow. "Are you sure? Because I have a picture of you entering the office where that number has been called several times and at the same times the calls were made."

She's starting to fidget a little, but she replies in a confident voice. "I've never seen that number before, President Paylor. I was doing some cleaning the other day so you must have caught me on camera entering the office to dust."

Paylor sighs. "Amelia, I have the audio recordings to prove you were on the phone with someone at this number at least fifteen times this week. Don't make this harder on yourself than necessary."

Under the scrutiny of Paylor's glare, Amelia finally cracks. "Yes, I called them! Please don't arrest me. My family is struggling, and they offered me a lot of money if I did what they said."

For a second, I almost feel bad for the girl as I watch her cry into her hands. I know what it's like to be hungry and desperate. To watch your family suffer. But then I remember Peeta, locked in the basement by the people she is helping, and it's all I can do not to attack her right there in Paylor's office.

Paylor's face remains emotionless. "Your punishment will be dealt with later. Do you know where this number is from?" Amelia nods. "Good, we'll be in contact with you shortly."

Paylor pushes a button and two guards enter the room. "Take her to a holding cell." They bind Amelia's hands behind her back and lead the whimpering girl out of the office.

Turning to me and Haymitch, Paylor says, "We need to get a team together. We're going to need more than the three of us when we show up at the house. The problem is I don't know who we can trust."

"Why don't you call in all the living victors? I think it's safe to say none of them are working for Snow," Haymitch points out.

Paylor nods and starts making a list. Johanna, Enobaria, Beetee, Annie. It doesn't take long to realize there aren't going to be enough people. There are only seven living victors, including Haymitch, Peeta, and I. It is decided that Annie cannot serve in the mission and Peeta is obviously out, which leaves us with five people. Frustrated, I say, "There have got to be more people who would be willing to fight that hate Snow as much as we do!"

There were entire armies fighting in the rebellion. In District Two alone, hundreds of rebels were working against the Capitol. Then it hits me. "Can you call in the soldiers who served in Thirteen? No one who lived there would consider trying to restore the government that destroyed them and left them to die."

Paylor nods, "Good thinking, Katniss. I'll pull the records and contact them immediately. We'll only need about ten more people."

Haymitch continues the conversation, and my mind begins to wonder. Involuntarily, I remember my time in District Two. We spent several days locked in the meeting room trying to decide how to take the Nut and getting nowhere until Gale suggested the trap. Gale!

"You have to call Gale!" They both stare in shock at my outburst.

"Are you sure?" Haymitch is looking at me like I might be going crazy. Maybe I am, but I know that despite our past, he will be a valuable member of the team to rescue Peeta.

"Yes, I'm sure." Haymitch nods and Paylor adds him to the list.

When the list is finished, Paylor says, "You two should go to bed. I'll make some calls. Be prepared for briefing at 8 AM."

Haymitch leaves and I am about to follow when Paylor says my name. I turn around and she gives me a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry, Katniss. We'll find him."

I say, "Thank you," and leave the room.

When I'm settled in the room I'm assigned to, I crawl under the covers and think about how quickly everything has happened. Yesterday I didn't even know if Peeta was alive, and tomorrow we're launching a rescue mission to retrieve him from Snow's people in the Capitol. It all feels way too familiar. Regardless, I'm going to see Peeta tomorrow for the first time in two years. The thought both comforts and terrifies me.

I try not to remember the last reunion that took place between Peeta and I after he was rescued. I remind myself if he was able to send that letter, there's no way he's hijacked again. But that doesn't mean he hasn't been tortured. Suddenly, a thought fights its way to the front of my mind. I try to deny it, but it won't go away. _If_ he was able to send that letter. I realize what bothered me about Paylor's statement earlier. "_It probably isn't well hidden if they expected her to find it with such a vague description_." She said _they,_ not Peeta. No, no, no.

I jump out of bed and race down the hall to Haymitch's room. When I burst through the door, he doesn't look the slightest bit surprised. He stares at me, gasping and out of breath after running.

"Peeta didn't write that letter, did he?"

Haymitch shakes his head slowly. "No, we don't think so."

I collapse on the floor and the tears I've been holding back overwhelm me with an unbearable strength. I don't even push Haymitch away when he wraps his arms around me. He's the only family I've got, and we need each other.


	5. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

At 7:45, I am stumbling into the meeting room. If it were my choice, I would still be in bed asleep. However, at 7:00 I was woken up by a familiar voice chirping, "Get up, Katniss! Today is going to be a big, big day!"

My first instinct was to tell her to go away until the voice finally registered in my mind. Unsurprisingly, Effie stayed in the Capitol as well. What I didn't know was that she now holds the title of Vice President. I didn't know what it meant, but she explained that it was something the government before Panem had. It basically means she is the next rank down from Paylor. Despite her new political power, she was still the same Effie. The only thing different about my cheerful escort was her hair, which is now a natural looking brown color. While I was talking to her, I was almost able to forget the reason for our reunion. That is, until she realized how far behind schedule I was and ushered me into the shower. I guess some things never change.

When I enter the meeting room, I am overwhelmed by familiar faces. I have to resist the urge to retreat to my room and take a seat at an empty table on the left side of the room, away from everyone else. One of the first people I notice is Johanna Mason. Her obnoxiously loud laugh makes it impossible not to notice her. She is talking to a boy with dark hair I don't recognize, who I assume is from Thirteen. I lay my head down on the table to hide my face, hoping that no one will try to talk to me. However, my plan doesn't last very long. I hear a voice saying my name, and I try to ignore it.

"Katniss?"

The person obviously isn't going away, so I groan and look up. "What?"

The last person I expected to be standing in front of me looks at me with a trace of uncertainty in his gray eyes. I'm too shocked to say anything at first, but then I remember that I don't want to talk to him. I quickly avert my eyes to the table in front of me and hope he leaves. Instead of taking the hint, Gale sits down in the chair next to me.

"Hey, long time no see."

I ignore his attempt at small talk and continue examining the patterns on the table's surface. To my dismay, he remains seated.

"I know you told them to call me." I still don't answer, so he continues. "Why?"

When I told them to call Gale, I knew that meant I would have to see him again. So I silently chastise myself for being childish and answer him. "I knew we could trust you."

Still staring straight ahead, I peek at him from the corner of my eye. His face reveals the shock he feels upon hearing my answer. "Oh."

Not feeling in the mood to continue the conversation, I don't say anything else. But this is Gale, so of course he won't leave it at that.

"I don't know everything about this mission, but Paylor told me Peeta was involved." I flinch at his name and my hand automatically reaches for the pearl in my pocket. Gale notices and gently takes my hand in his. I freeze at his touch and then jerk my hand away. Not fazed by my reaction, he softly asks, "Are you okay?"

"Gale, stop pretending like nothing happened," I snap. "We were best friends once but not anymore."

My words are harsh but still true. I can tell he is hurt, but he should have known the call wasn't a personal invitation from me to go back to being best friends. Too much has happened, and I'm not ready to move past any of it. He continues to stare at me for a minute and then finally walks away to join the others. It doesn't take long before he has pointed me out to Johanna. I curse him under my breath as she saunters over to my table.

"Well, well! The Mockingjay is back."

I scowl at her and lay my head back down on the table, giving off a strong vibe of 'unwelcome.' She takes a seat anyway. Johanna is probably the only person who has never been affected in the slightest by my foul moods. She chuckles at my attempt to avoid her.

"Look, brainless, I'm here to help you. So is Gale. You could be a little less rude."

I look up and see Johanna, Gale, Enobaria, and Beetee staring back at me. As I scan the faces of my friends and the four people from Thirteen, I know she is right. Reluctantly, I say, "I know. Thank you."

I'm considering introducing myself to the other four soldiers when Haymitch sulks in followed by Paylor. I'm guessing Haymitch wasn't given alcohol with his pancakes because he is desperately clutching a cup of coffee. He takes a seat as Paylor walks to the front of the room and clears her throat.

"Thank you all for coming on such short notice. Please take a seat."

Johanna mouths, "Later," and turns to face Paylor.

"As you are all aware, you are here for a special mission. The information you are about to receive is classified. That means you are not to repeat it to anyone other than the people sitting in this room, under any circumstance. Do you all understand?"

Everyone nods their heads, so she flips on a projector. I look away as soon as I see the letter displayed on a large screen.

"Katniss Everdeen received this letter a few days ago postmarked with the old Capitol seal and no return address. Please take a few moments to read it carefully."

The room is disturbingly silent as everyone reads the letter. Every person in the room either stares at the letter or at me with a stunned expression after they finish, but no one speaks.

"I can see that you are all just as shocked as we are. This is why you were asked to join us. We don't believe the letter was written by Peeta." I flinch at her words and look down at my hands. "However, we do believe the information is accurate."

Gale, of all people, voices the argument that instantly comes to my mind. "Why would anyone else tell her what they were doing?"

Haymitch answers, "They were never planning on President Paylor seeing this letter. If I had to guess, they were counting on her usual reaction: act first, think later. When she showed up to rescue Peeta, they would take her and have their strongest weapon."

I scowl at Haymitch until he gives me a look that reminds me I was planning to do the very thing he just described. Everyone accepts his answer and listens as Paylor discusses some background information she has compiled about the group. That is, everyone except Gale. He is still staring at the letter as if something doesn't make sense. I look at the letter and realize what he is staring at right before he says it.

"Excuse me, President Paylor."

She stops in the middle of her sentence. "Yes, Gale?"

"With all due respect, I think you are wrong. I don't think we should be so quick to rule out the possibility that Peeta actually did write the letter."

She gives him a sympathetic, but also slightly impatient, look. "What makes you think that?"

Before I can say anything, Gale answers. "It seems strange to me that they would sign the letter in that way."

Paylor says, "Everyone was aware of the staged romance between Katniss and Peeta. I would be more surprised if they hadn't written that."

"No," I protest. "He's right." Everyone stares at me in disbelief because this is the first time I've spoken since the meeting started.

Paylor sighs tiredly, "Katniss—"

"It's true that everyone would have known that Peeta…" The words catch in my throat, but I force myself to say them. "That Peeta loved me. But no one else would have used the word '_Always._' That was his way of letting me know it's really him."

I am still receiving confused looks, so I briefly explain the meaning behind that one word. It feels wrong, as if it's something private that only Peeta and I should know. When I'm done, I stare down at my hands and avoid the looks I know I'm getting. The room is silent while Paylor considers what I said.

"I'm willing to consider that you might be right, but I think we should still treat it as if it is forged."

I jump out of my seat and slam my hands on the table, receiving annoyed looks from those who know me and shocked expressions from the soldiers from Thirteen. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Miss Everdeen, please take a seat. Precautions need to be taken in case Peeta has been hijacked again or isn't even in their custody."

"This isn't even a rescue mission, is it? You don't think Peeta is there!"

Haymitch warns me in an even tone, "Katniss."

"You may not know Peeta, but I do! District Twelve is his home, and he would never leave it or…" I falter for a minute before finishing my sentence. "or me. He is locked in that basement being held hostage by Snow's people, and I am going to rescue him with or without your help!"

My blood is boiling by the time I am finished, and Paylor looks as if she wants to throw me out of the meeting. Haymitch stands up and grabs me by the elbow. "I think we need to go for a walk." I wrestle my arm away and he says, "Now."

As I follow him out of the room, I hear Johanna mutter, "_That _is the real Mockingjay."

Haymitch leads me down the hallway and into an empty office. He shuts the door and leans against the wooden desk in front of me. "What exactly do you think you're doing?"

"Paylor isn't even planning to rescue Peeta! She still thinks he left without telling anyone. If we show up with soldiers and start shooting, he could get killed!"

Haymitch sighs heavily, "I was afraid this would happen."

I yell, "Afraid what would happen? That I would figure out what's really going on?"

"No, I was afraid you would do something stupid and get yourself removed from the mission! Turns out I was right!" Haymitch yells back.

That catches my attention. "Paylor is removing me from the mission?"

"I don't know for sure, of course, but after that stunt? I would guess so. How is it supposed to benefit Peeta when the only person who believes him isn't there?"

I stare at Haymitch in shock. "You think Peeta is really there?"

He nods. "I wasn't sure at first, but your explanation made me remember something Peeta told me while you were in District Two."

Something Peeta told Haymitch while he still thought I was a mutt? "What did he tell you?"

"He said he remembered carrying you to your bed one night and you asked him to stay with you. He told you, 'Always.' It didn't quite fit with his shiny memories, and it drove him crazy. I told him it was real. I guess I was right."

"He never told me he remembered that," I whisper. Suddenly I remember the mission at the Capitol when I refused to leave Peeta behind. I kissed him and told him to stay with me. He said always. The same feeling rises up in my chest that I've come to associate with any memories of him. It's not a feeling I've grown fond of, despite its frequency. I force myself to think of something else, anything else.

"Do you really think Paylor will tell me I can't go?"

Haymitch stands up and opens the door. "There's only one way to find out."

He motions for me to start walking, and I slide through the door obediently. With a deep breath, I open the door and enter the meeting room. I ignore the eyes watching me and walk to my seat without a word. Paylor eyes me suspiciously, but she must conclude that I'm not making any more outbursts because she continues. I listen to the plan and realize my suspicions were correct. It isn't a rescue mission. 'Check for Peeta' is barely tacked on the end of it. She finishes with, "We leave at noon. You have an hour to eat and meet back here."

An hour is all I need. I stride over to Haymitch, and repeat his earlier suggestion, "Let's go for a walk."

He nods and follows me through the door and out to the gravel pathway. An hour is all I need to make plans of my own.


	6. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

We all bounce slightly as the van hits a bump in the road, and I glance at the others. Haymitch is staring at the road ahead, appearing not to notice anything, and Enobaria is picking at her nails nervously. The girl from Thirteen, whose name I can't remember, is staring out the window with a barely noticeable wrinkle across her forehead. It was decided that Beetee would stay at the Capitol to monitor our expedition, and the rest of us have been separated into two groups. The first group consisted of Gale, Johanna, and the three other soldiers from Thirteen. Our group was instructed to wait while the others went in and provide back up if necessary. It isn't hard to notice that Paylor is intentionally trying to keep me away from the main action and under Haymitch's supervision. Normally I would have been livid, but the arrangement suits my plan quite well. I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear someone say my name. I turn to see the girl from Thirteen looking at me. I remember her name is Lily.

"Are you nervous?"

"A little," I answer honestly.

She chews on the bottom of her lip, and I can tell she is more than a little nervous. Lily looks to be about a year younger than me. I can't imagine why Paylor would have chosen her for this mission. As if reading my mind, she says, "My older sister was there when the bombs went off at the mansion. She was a medic. I thought you might want to know, since your sister was there too."

I try to ignore the pain threatening to suffocate me, but the images assault my mind anyway. Prim, rushing in to help a young girl, bursting into flames right in front of me as the second wave of parachutes exploded… It's not hard to understand why Lily is willing to be a part of this mission. I find myself asking, "What was her name?"

She mumbles, "Oh, her name was Francine. She mentioned your sister before back in Thirteen. Prim, right?"

If I thought I was having trouble breathing before, it was nothing compared to the feeling I have now. "Yes, Prim," I mutter almost incoherently, but somehow she understands. She doesn't ask any more questions, like most people would have. I think that Lily and I could possibly be friends. After a few minutes of silence, she looks unnaturally pale so I try to reassure her.

"It's going to be okay. Paylor wouldn't have chosen you if she didn't think you could handle it."

She nods, obviously still unconvinced. "I hope you're right. She said she didn't expect very many people to be there anyway, since…" Her voice trails off, and she directs her gaze to her hands.

"Right," I say. "They probably won't even need us."

Paylor doesn't expect too many people because it's all a trap for them to get their hands on the Mockingjay. And she is partially right. As Haymitch pointed out, there is no way Peeta's letter got to my house without a little help. But she's wrong about one important thing. Peeta wrote that letter, and he is waiting for me to get him out of there. I refuse to believe the alternative.

What seems to be an endless line of identical houses flies by my window. We left the tall, shiny buildings and shopping centers long ago, and now we're in the suburbs. It's been at least half an hour since we left the mansion, and I'm starting to wonder just how big the Capitol actually is. I've never given the rest of the city much thought. Then again, I've never actually been to the Capitol unless I was preparing to die or fighting in a war. This time would be no exception. It's no wonder I hate the place. I lean around the seat and ask Haymitch, who is driving, "Where exactly is this house?"

"Just a few more miles. Assuming Amelia is leading us to the right place, that is."

I lean back in my seat and huff impatiently. The next few miles seem to take hours, but a sudden anxious feeling consumes me when I feel the van come to a stop. We're parked one street down from our target, and I can see Gale climbing out of the other van, followed by Johanna and the three other soldiers.

"Can everyone hear me?"

The voice of the commander makes me jump, but we all reply to our earpieces to let him know we heard him. Matt is a tall, stocky man who looks to be about Haymitch's age. We were all concerned about his presence, but Paylor assured us he could be trusted. She said he would be perfect to have on the mission. More likely, she didn't want to send a group of teenagers and victors into a battle without an experienced leader. Not that we were lacking experience, but he wasn't too bad to have around. He mostly kept to himself.

Everyone is dressed inconspicuously since we're in a neighborhood where people live. They are out under the pretense of a school field trip to study architecture. Matt must have forgotten to turn off his microphone because his voice fills my ear again as they begin walking down the street. I listen as he comments on the structure of each house he passes. I snort as he struggles to come up with a new comment for each one since they are all exactly the same. After a few more minutes of the fake field trip, the earpiece goes silent and I know they are near the house. I lean forward in my seat, even though I can't see them because they have rounded the corner. Everyone seems to be holding their breath. After an agonizing minute of silence, the first gunshot rings out. Matt shouts, "Gale, Johanna, go through the side! Tyner, Marni, Kendall, follow me!"

I'm practically jumping out of my seat with anticipation that increases with every gunshot. I look at the rearview mirror anxiously and see Haymitch meet my eyes. He shakes his head slightly, answering my unspoken question. It's not time yet. I continue listening to the fighting and watch as the people start crowding on their porches, looking around in horror. This is bad. There must be more people than they previously anticipated. My suspicions are confirmed when my earpiece comes to life with Matt's strangled voice.

"We need back up! Hurry!"

Before he even finishes his sentence, we are all out of the van and running across the pavement. We reach the house in what feels like record time. I am prepared to execute my plan, but the sight of the ongoing battle stops me in my tracks. There is a man, who I'm assuming is one of Snow's rebels, laying on the steps. I take a step back and try to control my breathing. Despite my efforts, his mangled body brings on a flood of images from the Rebellion I've spent two years trying to erase. Wounded men escaping from the Nut, the children in front of the mansion… when will the killing stop? I can feel a panic attack coming on and barely resist the urge to curl up in a ball right there on the ground. I'm only jarred from my hysteria when Haymitch pushes me forward.

"What are you waiting for, a personal invitation? Go!"

I snap out of my reverie and start to run. I skid around the side of the house with my gun pointed forward. Step one: check for an external entrance to the basement. When I reach the back of the house, there's an unguarded door that looks promising. In fact, there's no one in sight. I wince as I hear a crash in the window above me and narrowly avoid the shattered glass that falls to the ground. I pull on the doorknob, and it's unlocked. This is all starting to seem way too easy. Standing back, I push the door open with the toe of my boot and aim my gun. There's no one there. I take a slow step inside and look around.

"Katniss!"

My heart nearly stops at the sound of his voice. The darkness makes it impossible to see as I stumble through the room. As my eyes are adjusting, a loud bang causes me to jump. I frantically search for the source and spot a man hiding in the corner of the room, his gun trained on me. Without even thinking, I shoot him and search the room for others as he falls to the ground. When I realize he was the only one, I sprint in the direction of the voice.

"Peeta! I'm here! Where are you?" Adrenaline makes my heart race as I yell his name.

At the end of a dark hallway, I can barely make out a dimly lit cell. I yell, "Peeta!"

There's no response, but I keep screaming his name. Then I hear his faint cry, "Katniss, help!"

My feet are moving faster than I thought possible. My voice sounds scared but full of hope as I yell, "I'm coming Peeta!"

I nearly fall as I come to a stop in front of the cell. What I find, however, isn't the boy calling my name. The door is ajar, and I slowly push it open. There is a small black box sitting on the ground. I nudge it with my boot, and Peeta's voice fills the room. "Hurry, Katniss!"

He's not here. I stagger over to the small cot and sit down. He's not here. But he was. There's no doubt that's Peeta's voice on the black box. I flinch as his scream reverberates through the empty room and slam the box against the wall. It shatters on the floor, and I pull my feet up on the cot. I wrap my arms around my knees and don't move for a long time. After what could have been minutes or hours, I turn my gaze from the pieces lying on the floor and notice something from the corner of my eye for the first time. There's something white stuck inside the wall next to the end of the bed. I pull on it, and a folded piece of paper and a pen fall from a tiny hole. Desperately, I grab the paper and open it. Once again, his handwriting fills the page and overwhelms me. I straighten the creases and read.

_Katniss,_

_I don't know if you will ever see this, but I had to try just in case. I heard the guard talking on his phone just now, and he said they were expecting a group from the Capitol to attack today. That must mean you got my last letter. I know you're coming because you wouldn't let them leave without you._

I surprise myself by grinning at that part. Peeta does know me too well.

_Anyway, I couldn't hear very much, but I think they are planning to relocate me. I don't know where they're taking me, but I know you will figure it out. I have faith in you. I love you._

_Always, _

_Peeta_

_P.S. Look under the mattress._

I scramble off the cot and lift the mattress. A bundle of letters lies in the corner. I flip through a few of them and find that each one is signed the same as the previous one. "_Always, Peeta." _ There has to be at least fifty. Taking a quick survey of the room, I can't imagine where he found the paper. But that doesn't matter now. I sit down in the floor, holding the letters. I don't dare to read them yet. I just hold them until Haymitch finds me and leads me out.


	7. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N My reviewers are amazing, and you all keep me motivated to write! Just a side note about Playing With the Odds: I am soooooo sorry I have been ignoring it. I just haven't had the inspiration to write the final chapter the way it should be written. I will TRY to finish it soon because it's bothering me too! **

I spend the next three days following the mission locked in my room reading letters and speaking to no one. I showed them to Paylor that first night, and she finally decided to believe me. Since then, I have been slowly making my way through the large stack. I really should have finished more of them by now, but I take the time to read each one carefully so I don't miss anything. When I am not reading the letters, my mind takes me back to the man in the basement. The one I shot without a moment's hesitation. It shouldn't bother me like it does, especially after two trips to the arena and a war. After all, he was most likely involved in Peeta's kidnapping or at least in charge of watching him rot away in that cell. But I just can't shake the fact that someone else has died at my hands. I look down at the letter I'm holding and see that it is short, like all of them have been so far. Most of them are no more than a few sentences.

"_Don't worry, they aren't hurting me. I don't know why I am even here. Other than the stale food, I haven't been tortured."_

or

"_It's been six months. The guard saw me writing on a piece of paper he dropped and said he would find me more paper to write on. I think he feels sorry for me. He's probably as bored as I am."_

Though each one is addressed to me, they are more like journal entries. Some of them are even humorous, such as the one detailing the horrid tasting bread. He had never tasted anything so bad in his life. The next one I pick up surprises me by being much longer than the others.

_Katniss,_

_Part of my therapy with Dr. Aurelius was to write out the things I remembered. It helped me to discern what was real and what was shiny. Almost all of the Capitol memories are gone now, but I'm still remembering things that happened between you and I. Some of them are small, but it's nice to feel like I'm able to piece together our past. I'm going to start writing down the things I remember, and maybe someday you can tell me if they are real._

_Today I remembered teaching you to bake cheese buns at my house. It was after the Victory Tour and before the Quell announcement. Well, more like I _tried _to teach you. I left the room for five minutes, and you set off the smoke alarm. I only managed to salvage a couple of them. When I suggested we try again, you threw a fit that made me laugh. We spent the rest of the day with me drawing and you watching. You hit me when you realized what I was working on. It was a picture of your face when the smoke alarm was going off. Even though you were angry at first, we laughed so hard that I couldn't finish. This is a good memory. I don't think the Capitol distorted it._

_I love you, always._

_Peeta_

I can't stop the smile from spreading across my face when I finish the letter. That was the one and only time Peeta ever tried to teach me to bake. It was also one of the only times our… friendship felt normal. There was no pretending to be the star-crossed lovers or anticipating our every move. It was just us.

I jump when I hear a knock on my door. Expecting it to be Haymitch, who has been my only visitor, I call, "Who is it?"

"Gale."

I immediately want to tell him to go away, but no one knows for sure how long we'll be here and I'm going to have to deal with him sooner or later. I quickly shove the letters under my pillow and say, "Come in."

He ducks in and closes the door behind him. He stands there in front of the door awkwardly for a moment until I motion for him to sit in the chair next to the bed. We sit in silence for about half a minute, neither of us knowing what to say. Finally, he breaks the silence. "How are you, Katniss?"

Such a simple question, but it carries so much weight. There have been two years since the last time Gale and I knew anything about the other's life. "I'm… tired." It's vague, but it seems to accurately describe my physical and mental state. Gale just nods, understanding what I mean. "What about you? What have you been doing in District Two?"

I want to take it back as soon as I say it. It's another innocent question that has a lot of underlying meaning. How will I react if he tells me he's married? "Working," he sighs. "Just working."

I nod my head and he answers my unspoken question. "I never married, you know. There was one girl, but it was destined to fail from the start."

I don't know why, but I'm suddenly very curious. "Why?" He sighs. "It's not important. It just didn't work."

There's another moment of silence, and then he asks, "What about you? Did some lucky man finally sweep you off your feet?"

There's a hint of teasing in his voice because he knows how unlikely the scenario is. I snort, "Right."

With those questions out of the way, the tension between us lifts considerably. He points to the space next to me on the bed, and I scoot over so that he can sit beside me. We talk about trivial things such as Greasy Sae's stew or his annoying secretary, and it feels so good to laugh with him again. It's almost like the last few years never happened. Almost.

We're quiet for a minute, and then the conversation goes in a different direction. His voice takes on a serious tone. "That was a risky move the other day."

"I had to do it." My voice comes out harsher than I intended. "I think I could live a hundred years and still not understand you, Catnip."

My voice takes on an edge of anger. "Did you honestly expect me not to try?"

"No, I knew you would do something irrational. You haven't changed that much."

"Irrational?" I'm more than a little bit angry now. I'm furious. "So trying to save Peeta after two years of captivity was _irrational_?"

"No," he grits. "But doing it on your own was! If he had been there, you can bet there would have been more than one person waiting for you in that basement. You should have told me what you were doing."

"Why? So you could tell Paylor and she could keep me here?" I accuse.

He throws his hands up in frustration. "Ugh, you are still just as frustrating! You should have told me so that I could have helped you!" Well, that's not what I was expecting. "You would help me find Peeta?"

He looks me directly in the eyes. "I'm on your side, Katniss. You should know that by now."

I'm trying to think of a way to respond when Haymitch barges in. "I hope you're decent because.." His voice trails off when he sees Gale. "Oh, sorry to interrupt. President Paylor needs us in the meeting room."

We follow Haymitch down the hallway and find that everyone else is already there. Most of them are eyeing me suspiciously, but Lily gives me a reassuring smile from across the room. As soon as we sit down, Paylor begins. "We are still reviewing the information gathered from their headquarters, but a significant amount of progress has been made. However, that is not why I called you here today. In light of recent evidence, we now believe that the rebels do in fact have Peeta Mellark."

Gale raises an eyebrow at me, and I remember I never showed him the letters.

"Katniss found a stack of letters hidden in the cell where Peeta was presumably kept. The letters were a journal, of sorts, chronicling his time spent in captivity. Due to the quantity and the content, there is no reason to assume they were written by anyone other than Peeta."

She lets the news sink in, and I avoid Gale's questioning gaze.

"Although the rebels were successful in relocating Peeta before our invasion, we believe we have found some information that will lead us to his new location."

My head snaps up immediately, and I can feel everyone's eyes on me. "Are you saying you know where Peeta is?" The faintest smile crosses Paylor's face for the first time since this whole operation began. "Yes, we believe so."

Everyone in the room smiles, and I am no exception. I haven't felt this light in so long. Not only does everyone finally believe me, they know how to find Peeta. He's going to be rescued I'm barely able to contain myself when I ask, "When are we leaving?"

"We are leaving tonight," she says. The room is filled with excited chatter, and she has to speak louder for her voice rise above the noise. "You, however, are going to wait here until we get back."

I can hardly believe what she is saying. The room falls silent as everyone anticipates my inevitable fury. I can tell she expects me to cause a scene and prove she made the right decision. Instead of giving her the satisfaction, I calmly ask, "Any why is that?"

"I think you should know, Miss Everdeen. You deliberately disobeyed orders during the mission. You could have gotten yourself or someone else killed in your carelessness."

"If I hadn't disobeyed orders, there would still be no proof that they have Peeta."

She gives me a glare that says she's not negotiating with me. "While that may be true, we can't afford any deviation from the plan this time." Her tone catches my attention, but Gale speaks before I have the chance. "What do you mean?"

"After our last invasion, it's very likely that the rebels have taken extra precautions. We're expecting much more difficulty in retrieving Peeta, and it's crucial that they don't know we're coming." I ask, "So someone tipped them off last time?"

Paylor looks hesitant to answer. "Apparently so. Somehow they knew to get Peeta out of there before we showed up. It's possible that Amelia was able to get a message to them, but there is no evidence to prove that was the case. That's why it's very important that no one in this room repeats anything discussed about the operation. Are we all clear?"

"Crystal," Johanna smiles. "What's the plan?"

"We'll get to that in a moment. Katniss?"

I look at her and respond, "Yes?"

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave. As you are not a part of the rescue team, you can't know any of the details."

"You have got to be kidding me! If anyone was going to give away information about the operation, it wouldn't be me!" I'm absolutely fuming. She thinks _I'm _going to do something to jeopardize Peeta's rescue? I can barely contain the urge to break something. Like her face. Fortunately, Haymitch steps in before I can do anything rash. "Is that really necessary, President? You know she isn't going to be a threat to the security of the operation."

"I don't believe she would intentionally reveal any information, but we can't be too careful. This could be our only good chance." She turns to me and gives me a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, Katniss."

I would argue, but I honestly don't think she is going to change her mind. I also have to admit that she has a point. Just as I'm about to leave, Gale places a hand on my shoulder. When I turn around, the intensity of his gaze surprises me. "We'll bring him back. I promise."

"Thanks," I mutter.

Everyone watches quietly as I leave the room and shut the door behind me. I stand outside for a minute and listen as their voices pick up again. I should be part of the rescue team. I have more of a right to know what's going on than anyone else. Does she really think I would do anything to mess it up? The answer, I realize, is yes. Above all else, I have never been able to follow orders. Coin knew it was my weakness in the battle simulation, and Paylor knows it now. Reluctantly, I trudge back to my room. I spend the rest of the night reading Peeta's memories. Playing chess in my living room with Haymitch when I was almost caught poaching, walking through the snow when I asked him to run away with me, and more silly ones like the time he dared me to eat a green pepper and I spent the rest of the night trying to numb my tongue with ice cubes. The list goes on, and I must fall asleep sometime because it's late when I wake up.

I walk down the hallway and find Haymitch's room empty. They must have left then. I wonder how long they've been gone. When I return to my room, I find a tray of food sitting on the table. I eat slowly and then return to the stack of letters. I lean against the headboard and pick up the next one. When I start reading, I can tell right away that this one is more serious than the previous ones.

_Katniss,_

_I am so frustrated. A year has passed, and I'm still sitting here in this cell. They are cutting back my exercise breaks, and I don't know how much longer I can take this. I don't even know why they are keeping me here. _

_On another note, I remembered something else today. I remember the day before the interviews at the Quarter Quell. We spent the entire day alone on the roof. The Capitol used that one against me a lot, but I think I've finally stripped it down to the real thing. I especially remember you lying with your head in my lap making a crown of flowers, and I was running my fingers through your hair. That's the happiest memory I have._

_It's killing me to be away from you with all these memories resurfacing. I know you never felt the same way about me, but I need you. I just need to hold you and know that you're okay, and then I'll understand if you never want to see me again. The last time I saw you… I don't even want to think about it. More than anything, I wish there was some way I could erase everything. Start over again. But we both know that's not possible. I miss you._

_I love you, always._

_Peeta_

I can't read anymore. His emotions are ones that I can identify with too well, and I can't take any more of it tonight. Instead I lie down and squeeze my eyes shut, anticipating the coming nightmares. Several hours later, I'm woken up by something. But it's not a nightmare that rouses me from my sleep.

There, sitting on the edge of my bed, is a blond haired boy with the bluest eyes I've ever seen. He smiles at me, and it takes me a minute to realize it's not a dream. When I do though, I throw my arms around him and scream, "Peeta!"

We both laugh as we fall on the bed. I run my fingers through his blond curls, softly trace the dark circles under his eyes, take in his scent. It's really him. Before I even realize it, I'm crying. He takes my face in his hands, and murmurs, "Don't cry, Katniss. I'm here, and I'm never leaving again."

I just nod my head and fall back into his arms. "You have no idea how much I've missed you," he whispers into my hair. The feel of his breath sends a chill down my spine. I notice Haymitch standing in the doorway for the first time. He's smiling. "I'll leave you two kids alone."

When he leaves, I turn to Peeta. "I've been reading the letters you left, with your memories." A light blush creeps across his cheeks. "I'm sorry if they were boring. It helped me to write it down."

"No," I quickly say, "I liked them."

He smiles and says, "Good."

Not knowing what else to say, because there is so much, I just take his hand and lead him back to the pillows. "We can talk about memories later. For right now, can we just be together?" His voice is filled with warmth when he answers. "I would love nothing more."

We curl up in our familiar way. My head on his chest and his arms holding me against him. He plays with my hair lightly, and I listen to the sound of his steady heartbeat. Neither of us sleeps, but I feel more rested than I have in a very long time.


	8. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

To the credit of every person in the mansion, they leave me and Peeta alone all morning. Whether they were giving us space or just too scared to anger me, I'm still grateful. We don't speak for a long time. Neither of us wants to break the spell. Finally, I turn my head and find him looking at me. I ask him, "What are you thinking?"

He smiles. "I was thinking that I wish we could stay in this moment forever."

"You said that to me once before. Do you remember?"

"Yes," he nods. "It was on the roof of the training center before the Quell."

I shouldn't be surprised after reading the letter in which he described the day to me, but the difference in him is still staggering. I can't reconcile the boy with crazed eyes who tried to kill me with the boy laying here with me now.

"What's wrong?" he murmurs, noticing that I am lost in thought.

"Nothing's wrong," I say. "It's you. You're so much like you were before."

"Is that a good thing?" he teases. I lay my head back down on his chest in response. "Definitely."

We lay there in silence again for a long while. It's been just long enough for me to wonder if he's fallen asleep. But then his soft voice cuts through the silence with a barely noticeable edge of uncertainty. "Haymitch told me you were the only one who believed I wrote the letter." Then he chuckled. "He said you made quite a scene."

I roll my eyes, "You don't sound surprised about that last part."

"No, not really," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. Then in a different tone, he asked, "Why did you believe me?"

I shrugged. "I knew it was you. No one else would have known to say 'always' at the end."

He breathed a sigh of relief and kissed the top of my head. "That's exactly why I did it."

My head is spinning with the simple gesture. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is for us. Especially after all this time. He must be thinking the same thing because he doesn't say anything else. Our thoughts are interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

"Don't answer," I whisper. "Maybe they'll go away."

Peeta laughs quietly and remains silent. I'm starting to think whoever it was has left when someone yells, "Katniss, I know you're in there. You too, Peeta. Haymitch told me to come get you two, and I'm coming in if you don't answer!"

Ugh, Johanna. She knocks on the door again, and I groan, "What does he want?"

"He says you need to come to lunch."

Really? I curse Haymitch under my breath. There is this thing called room service. Before I can say as much, Peeta calls, "We'll be right there."

She must accept his answer because the knocking stops. Slowly, we get up and make our way to the dining area. He laces his fingers through mine, and we walk in the room together. All eyes are on us, and I suddenly feel very uncomfortable. "I wish they would all quit staring." I mutter the words under my breath, but Peeta can still hear them. He gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. "They're just happy for us."

After a quick scan of their faces, I can see that he is telling the truth. Everyone is smiling as they watch us walk over to the spread of food. Well, everyone except for one person. Gale's eyes are focused directly on the meat he is cutting with deliberate movements. I decide to ignore his grouchy mood. I scan the tables and spot a girl with long brown hair and pale skin just sitting down to the left. I realize the girl is Lily, and decide to sit with her.

"Hey, Katniss!" She smiles brightly, and I can't help but smile back. "I hope you aren't still angry about Paylor kicking you out of the rescue mission. I tried to tell her I thought you should go after you left, but she wouldn't change her mind."

I decide to go ahead and be friends with Lily. Smiling at her once more, I say, "Thank you for saying that. Peeta is back, and everything worked out well enough. So, no, I'm not still angry."

I hear someone approaching, and then Peeta sits down next to me. I make the quick introductions. "Lily, this is Peeta. Peeta, Lily."

He smiles at her like he's known her his whole life and shakes her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Lily."

"Same here!" She smiles back. "I'm very glad you are here and safe. I know Katniss is too. You should have seen the way she yelled at President Paylor when she tried to say the letter wasn't written by you. I was scared myself!"

This sends Peeta laughing, and I scowl at both of them. "So I've heard," he manages to get out between laughs. I'm starting to reconsider my former opinion of Lily when she adds, "I'm only teasing you, Katniss. I wish I could be as brave as you."

"Thanks," I mutter. Peeta takes my left hand in his and starts to rub circles on the back of it with his thumb, which I have to admit lightens my mood again. "Don't worry about her. Her bark is louder than her bite."

I jerk my hand away and hit his arm lightly. "You want to test that theory?" My threat only makes both of them laugh again. I try to maintain my best glare, but I can't do it and end up laughing too. It's the most carefree I've felt in years, and I love it. I don't argue when Peeta takes my hand again. The conversation moves on to other topics, such as the bread and what our meeting after lunch will be about. I'm enjoying myself so much that I don't even notice the person approaching behind Lily until he stops and stands with his arms folded across his chest.

I stammer, "Um, hi, Gale. Would you like to sit with us?"

He replies in an even voice. "Sure."

Everyone picks at their food uncomfortably when he takes a seat. For what feels like forever, no one speaks. It irritates me because just yesterday, Gale and I were laughing like old friends. Apparently the tension only exacerbates his foul mood because he stands up and says, "Actually, I have to take care of a few things before the meeting. I'm glad you're okay, Peeta."

Peeta nods, "Thanks, Gale. See you later."

Gale doesn't respond as he leaves. I watch him walk away curtly and then direct my gaze back to my food. I'm hoping neither of them will comment because I don't feel like explaining. No luck, of course.

"Well, that was odd."

I ignore Lily and stuff a mouthful of food in my mouth. Peeta looks at me worriedly. "What happened to make Gale so angry?"

I finally give up and sigh. "A lot has happened, but I don't want to talk about that now. Okay?"

They both agree, probably because they can tell my mood is inching closer to Gale's by the second. I eat the rest of my lunch in silence, only throwing the occasional comment into the conversation. I can't stop thinking about Gale's attitude. I was starting to think we were finally letting go of the past. Maybe I was just deluding myself into thinking we could ever be civil again.

It can't have anything to with Peeta being back, can it? He was the one who promised they would find him. But if it's not about Peeta, then I don't know how to explain his behavior today. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Then I make a quick decision and stand up before I can change my mind. Peeta looks up at me with a worried expression that almost makes me sit back down, but I don't. He asks, "Katniss, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I need to go do something. Will you be okay here until the meeting?"

"Sure," he says, still looking uncertain.

I hastily leave the room and walk down the hallway. I'm not exactly sure where Gale's room is, but I figure it shouldn't be too hard to find. Just as I'm about to knock on the first door, Haymitch walks by.

"Looking for someone?"

I turn around and say, "Actually, yes. Have you seen Gale?"

"He just went outside. He looked pretty angry." He raises an eyebrow. "I'm sure you know nothing about that."

Gritting my teeth, I reply, "Actually, I don't. Thanks, I'll go find him."

Haymitch sighs and mumbles something about needing a drink as I stalk past him and down the stairs. I get to the garden outside and spot Gale sitting at a table about 10 yards away. I march over to him. He looks up at me and growls, "What do you want?"

"I want to know what your problem is!"

He laughs humorlessly but doesn't say anything. I sit down across from him and stare at him, planning to make him as uncomfortable as possible until he answers me.

"You're really annoying. You know that, right?"

"If you're trying to make me go away, it's not working."

We stare each other down for a moment until he finally gives in. "You're a smart girl, Katniss. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out."

So then I was right. His mood does have to do with Peeta. "Why does it bother you so much that Peeta is back? Would you prefer him to be one of the rebels' prisoners again? Because last time I checked, you were the one who promised to bring him back."

He grits his teeth. "I don't have a problem with Peeta being back. I just didn't expect…"

Losing my patience, I practically yell, "You didn't expect what?"

Before I can force him to answer, Haymitch sticks his head out the door and says, "The meeting is starting!"

Gale and I glare at each other as we stand up and walk back inside. When we reach the door of the meeting room, I hiss, "This conversation isn't over."

"Whatever, Katniss," he mumbles.

I silently take my place next to Peeta, and he reaches for my hand. Upon realizing my whole body is tense, he asks, "Is everything okay?"

I answer with a quick nod and meet Gale's gaze from across the room. For reasons beyond me, his glare is still unwavering. The phrase "if looks could kill" runs through my mind. Peeta must notice too because he says, "Katniss. What happened between you and Gale?"

"I'll explain later," I promise. He looks as if he is going to push it further, but fortunately Paylor chooses that moment to begin.

"Hello, everyone. I have called you all together today first off to congratulate you on a job well done. As you can see, Peeta is here and doing well."

She smiles and everyone claps. I smile at Peeta and squeeze his hand. "But there is also another very important topic to discuss today. After an in-depth review of the documents we recovered from the raid, we now know who the head of the underground network is."

All of us are leaning forward in our seats now. I can tell this is news to everyone.

"The name of the person who is leading the rebels is Kent Snow, former President Snow's grandson."


	9. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N I'm sorry this one is shorter than usual. I just felt like the chapter should end here! Thank you to my reviewers! You guys are the best.**

The room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Snow's _grandson_? I think back through the years, trying to make him materialize in one of the many shots of the former president's family that were displayed on the television. Snow had two children, a son and a daughter. He had a young granddaughter, maybe fourteen now. But there's never been a grandson, at least not until now. Everyone in the room listens intently as Paylor confirms the conclusion I reached. "No one knew of Kent's existence. Snow did an effective job of concealing him from the public."

"Why would he try to hide him?" Gale asks. "Everyone knows about his granddaughter."

She explains, "Snow's hold on Panem was always a fragile one, and he didn't want to take any chances with his family being involved in the Hunger Games. We have reason to believe he was going to do the same thing for his granddaughter, Aria. However, she was discovered by accident as an infant so the whole thing backfired on him."

Of course Snow didn't want the possibility of his grandchildren entering the arena. No one would have, if they had any other option. He sat back and watched twenty-three children die every year, knowing that his family was protected. It makes me sick.

I start listening again and hear Paylor wrapping up the meeting. "That's all for right now. We will be spending the next few weeks trying to uncover as much information as possible. Be prepared for a mission at any time."

We all file out of the room, and Gale doesn't look at me as he walks by. He is obviously trying to avoid me and our unfinished conversation from this morning. His sulking is really starting to get on my nerves. I would like to chase him down and make him talk to me, but after what we just heard, his bad mood is the least of my concerns.

Instead, I turn around and find Peeta waiting for me. Suddenly, I realize he has only been back for a few hours. It has been so easy to fall back into the effortless way we used to be, but in reality we've spent two years apart. There's so much lost time to make up for. And without the cameras or life and death circumstances to keep us together, I realize I don't even know what we are. It's a disconcerting feeling.

"What's wrong?" Peeta asks.

"Just thinking," I say.

He senses the hesitation in my voice, and answers with a simple, "Oh."

He opens his mouth to say something else, and suddenly I remember a line from the last letter I read. "_I just need to hold you and know that you're okay, and then I'll understand if you never want to see me again._" I'm surprised by how much I don't want that to happen. The thought of losing him again is unbearable. So I quickly interrupt him before he can say something I don't want to hear.

"Have you seen the garden yet?"

The question catches him off guard. He is giving me a look that shows he isn't following my thought process. Slowly, he says, "No, I haven't."

Before he has the chance to question what must be an insane look on my face, I grab his hand and lead him outside. We are greeted by the warm air and colorful flowers that are usually only seen in photographs. I'm familiar with the little haven by now, but I watch carefully as he takes in the beauty that now exists in what used to be such a dark place.

"Everything has changed so much," he mumbles. Then he looks at me. "What is District Twelve like?"

We start walking again and I tell him about the new school, the hospital, and everything else that has happened since my return. He takes in each word, not interrupting once. When I am finished, I feel like I have been doing way too much talking. He's usually the one who carries the conversations between us. But now he is just staring at the ground thoughtfully and rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

As we wind through the stone pathway, my mind begins to wander. I think of the new discovery of Snow's grandson. Kent. He's the one responsible for having Peeta kidnapped. I wouldn't have liked him anyway, but this fact makes me hate him.

"I saw him, you know." Peeta says.

"Who?" I ask.

"Kent. I didn't know who he was, of course. But I guess he needed to see me for himself. He came down to my cell on the third night I was there. He gave me an arrogant smirk that made me want to strangle him and then turned to the guards and said, 'Well done.' "

I stare at Peeta, finding it impossible to comprehend what he is saying. Finally, I come to my senses and say, "You need to tell Paylor! That could be really important. I mean, you know what he looks like!"

"Already did," he says. "I told her everything I knew before they would let me see you."

I just nod. Then curiosity gets the best of me, and I ask, "What does he look like?"

Peeta brings his free hand up to run it through his hair. "Oh, he's around twenty-five years old. Light hair, about six foot."

Other than the age, I could use the same words to describe Peeta. It's so strange to think of this Kent as a normal person. He seems more like a monster in my mind. Fangs and all.

Peeta interrupts my musings with a question I'm not expecting. "How have you been doing these past two years?"

I think back on the first few weeks when I couldn't sleep and would barely eat. I don't think it would do either of us good for me to mention any of that. Eventually I started doing normal things again, like going to the woods to hunt. After a year, I was functioning well enough that Dr. Aurelius stopped requiring me to talk to him. Compared to all of that, I'm doing great now. But the nightmares and the emptiness never went away. Before I even realize what I am doing, I bury my head in Peeta's shoulder and start to cry. He is alarmed at first, but his arms quickly embrace me. He holds me against him with one hand and tenderly strokes my hair with the other. "It's okay," he whispers. "I've got you."

I don't know how long we stay like that, but it feels so good I don't want to move. He keeps whispering reassuring things in my ear, and I cry myself out. After the crying has stopped, an oddly peaceful feeling takes its place. In his arms, I feel the freedom of this new world for the first time. But just as quickly, I remember that someone is threatening to take it all away.

I finally let go of him, except for his hand, and we start walking again. Neither of us speaks for awhile. He's probably afraid of sending me into another crying fit. It's ridiculous that he should have to worry about upsetting me, after everything he has been through. As usual, I'm taking advantage of him. And I hate myself for it.

"Katniss?" he says.

"Hmm?"

He asks, "Why was Gale looking at you like that today in the meeting?"

Of all the things he could have wanted to talk about, I didn't expect that. But I should have. I have to remind myself that Peeta doesn't know anything about the last two years. So I try to explain.

"When Gale was called to the Capitol, it was the first time I had seen him since the end of the rebellion. He designed the bomb that..." My voice trails off, but he understands what I can't say. "We talked after the first mission, and I thought we were friends again. But now he's acting like this."

He processes my words for a minute, and then says, "He's mad that I'm back."

"No," I automatically say. "He wanted to bring you back."

"I don't mean he's mad that I was rescued. He's angry because of us." He lifts our entwined hands so I can see them. "Because of _this._"

Then I get it. Gale and I may be friends again, but I've barely acknowledged him since Peeta returned. Where I was reluctant to even look at Gale, I welcomed Peeta back with open arms. Which brings the question back to the front of my mind. What does it mean that I'm here holding hands with Peeta? That I don't want to spend a second away from him?

As if his thoughts are mirroring my own, he asks, "What are we doing, Katniss?"

"I don't know," I answer truthfully. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel something for Peeta, but this is all happening so fast.

He gives me a sad smile. "Maybe we should take it slow until we figure it out."

I look at the patient, understanding boy standing in front of me, and know I'll never deserve him. And the last thing I want to do is hurt him more. So I say, "I think that's a good idea."

When we get back to the mansion, we linger in the hallway. It feels wrong to go to our separate rooms after being apart for so long. Before either of us can say anything we'll regret, Peeta kisses my forehead lightly and says, "Goodnight, Katniss."

"Goodnight," I tell him.

As I try to fall asleep, I can't help but wish he were here with me. Not in a romantic way; at least I don't think it is. I want him to just hold me like he did on the train. But I know it wouldn't be fair for me to ask that of him, so I brace myself to face the nightmares alone again. At least tonight, they won't be about losing Peeta.


	10. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N You all deserve a little Peeta and Katniss after I made you wait so long, right? :)**

I knew Peeta and I needed space, but what I didn't know was how hard it was going to be. For the last week, we have been more polite to each other than any two people have ever been. Not in the cold way we were after our first games. More like two people who don't really know each other. It's always, "Good morning! How was your night?" or "The weather is lovely today!" If it weren't so annoying, I'm sure it would be funny. Everyone else has noticed too. Lily has been giving me looks every day at lunch, and so have the others from Thirteen.

Kendall, Tyner, and Marni have started sitting with us lately. Peeta became friends with Kendall and Tyner almost immediately. Marni is nice, but she is painfully shy. Most of the time she just picks at her food and listens to Lily and I talk.

As for the rest of the group, well, they seem to have formed an interesting bond. Gale glares at everyone and everything, Johanna does her best to get on Gale's nerves, Enobaria keeps to herself, Beetee never leaves his office, and Haymitch has given up on staying sober now that Peeta is back. I'm mostly grateful that I'm at least among the normal members of our strange little group. I know that, under different circumstances, I would be in no better shape than the other victors. I'm very lucky to have Peeta. Someone who understands. It's exhausting to act like he is just another friend when we both know it's so much more.

That's why I'm sitting outside right now instead of eating lunch with everyone else. I couldn't take the small talk or the awkward conversations any longer. I'm listening to the birdsong around me when suddenly I hear someone approaching, but just barely. It can't be Peeta because I would have heard him from several yards away. Only one person can move that quietly.

"You had to get out too?"

At first I don't know if I should answer him or not, since I'm supposed to be mad at him. But he looks just as annoyed as I feel so I just nod. He takes my answer as consent and sits on the ground next to me.

"I don't think I could have been in the same room with Johanna for another minute without hitting something," Gale mutters.

I have to laugh despite myself. "You'll get used to her," I say. "She's not so bad once you get to know her."

"Right," he says, still sounding unconvinced. "So why are you out here?"

"Just needed some fresh air," I say. Somehow I don't think it would be helpful for me to tell Gale the real reason I'm avoiding everyone.

"Then it has nothing to do with Peeta?" he asks. I know I'm not imagining the smugness in his voice. A sarcastic comment makes it all the way to the tip of my tongue, but I refrain from saying it when I remember my last real conversation with Peeta. That was when I realized the reason for Gale's obnoxious behavior. As infuriating as it is, I can at least understand it.

Gale takes my silence as a yes and snorts arrogantly. He leans back and tilts his head toward the sky. "That's what I thought. You two couldn't keep your hands off each other the first day he was back. It was disgusting. But now, you're sitting out here all by yourself." He leans closer to me. "Is he already getting on your nerves?"

Yes, I think to myself. But not in the way Gale means. I grit my teeth, really trying to stay calm.

"No," I tell him.

"What is it then?" he asks. Then, as if he has stumbled upon some great revelation, he says, "Oh! I get it now. You finally caught him staring at that one girl from District Thirteen. Lily, right? You better act fast if you don't want her to snatch him up."

Understanding or not, his assumption gets under my skin. Of course Peeta doesn't _stare _at Lily. Anyone can see they are nothing more than friends. Peeta is just a people person. Any sense of restraint I was trying to hold onto is gone now.

"You don't know anything about Peeta or Lily or me, for that matter!" I yell.

I know it was harsh, but he has always been able to push me until I snap. That's one part of us that I suspect will never change. And with this new, arrogant version of himself, he doesn't have to push very far.

"I don't know you. Really, Katniss?" he yells back, his tone matching mine. "Has it slipped your mind that we were best friends for five years? I know you better than anyone else! Including Peeta. But that doesn't seem to matter to you anymore."

"You know what does matter, Gale? That Peeta truly cares about me. Unlike you, he didn't leave me by choice. You made your decision when…"

I can't finish the sentence, but Gale knows what I was going to say. He is looking at me with a fire behind his eyes I've seen before, but never directed at me. His voice is full of venom when he says, "That's what this is all about then, isn't it? You still think I killed your sister."

My initial reaction to the mention of Prim is to run away and hide from Gale and everyone else. As it is, I can't stop the tears that are now running down my cheeks. Gale's face softens and he looks ashamed as he realizes what he has said.

"Katniss, I'm sorry," he begins, but I cut him off before he can finish.

"You may not have made the decision to drop the parachutes, but you knew what you were doing when you designed those bombs. There is a line between war and humanity, and you crossed it. You knew what you were doing!"

My voice breaks at the end, and even though I'm yelling at him, I sound far from intimidating. I sound like the seventeen-year-old girl who lost her sister at this very place.

I stand up to run away before anymore tears can come and run right into Peeta. He takes one look at my tear-stained face and pulls me into him. I'm sobbing uncontrollably, and I can feel the tension in Peeta's body as he holds me.

"It's okay," he whispers. "I'm here now."

When I finally calm down, I straighten up to look at him, and I see nothing but concern in his blue eyes. _This_ is the boy I fought to rescue. He cups my face in his hands and catches a stray tear making its way down my cheek. Our lips are so close we wouldn't have to move very far to close the gap. I've all but forgotten Gale's presence, but suddenly Peeta's eyes dart over my shoulder.

"Get away from her," he says coldly. "Don't you think you've done enough here?"

His eyes are like blue ice, and his lips form a tight line. I've never seen Peeta this angry before. Not even in the arena. Gale has managed to make Peeta look more deadly than Portia's costumes ever could. I turn around and see that Gale isn't the slightest bit afraid. He takes another step toward me, and Peeta wraps an arm around my waist protectively.

"I mean it," Peeta says. "Don't you dare touch her."

Gale only smiles and raises an eyebrow at Peeta. "Why don't you let her speak for herself? Are you afraid she might actually want me here?"

Peeta shifts uncomfortably, and I can see that Gale is getting to him.

"Gale, I want you to leave," I say evenly.

Truthfully, I don't want him to leave. I want us both to laugh and move on like we used to when we occasionally had a fight. But neither of us are the people we used to be, and it isn't going to happen.

Gale's cocky attitude is nonexistent now. He simply stares at me with betrayal in his dark eyes. He doesn't push Peeta anymore though. He just walks away.

"I'm sorry," Peeta says.

The anger has faded from his features, and now he looks almost ashamed. I ask, "For what?"

"For making things worse between you and Gale," he says.

"Gale did that all on his own," I mutter, my voice still a little shaky. Then I add, "Thanks for sticking up for me."

"I would do anything for you, Katniss. Always," he says.

It's the kind of comment that used to make me extremely uncomfortable. Now, after two years of not hearing his voice, it has a slightly different effect. So when he takes my hand, I don't pull away despite our previous agreement to take it slow. Neither of us moves or speaks for a minute, and Peeta is the one to break the silence.

"I can't do this anymore," he says.

Even though I know exactly what he is talking about, I ask, "Do what?"

He sighs. "I can't forget everything we've been through and act like you're someone I just met. I've spent two years clinging to every memory and anticipating the day I would get to make more. But not like this."

"I know," I say. Compared to his words, it's a lame reply. But this is Peeta, and he is somewhat of an expert at filling in the blanks. Suddenly he smiles, as if he just got an idea.

"Can we do something tonight?" he asks.

"Sure," I say. "But I'm not sure they would let us leave with everything that's going on."

"We don't have to leave," he says. "I already know what we're going to do!"

He is smiling so big that I can't help but laugh. It's an authentic laugh, and it feels great. Peeta looks at his watch and then back at me.

"I need to go take care of a few things. I'll pick you up at 5?"

I grin at his choice of words, considering our rooms are only a few doors apart.

"Okay," I say.

He smiles and gives my hand a squeeze before racing off to do errands unknown to me. Maybe it's his infectious excitement or it could be the fact that I haven't had anything to look forward to in so long, but the smile lingers on my face even after he is gone.

I must have fallen asleep because at almost exactly 5:00, I'm woken up by a knock on my door. I pull the covers over my head and open my mouth to tell Effie to go away. Then I hear his voice and remember.

"Katniss, are you in there? Haymitch said he hasn't seen you in awhile," Peeta says.

"Um, yeah. Hang on," I say.

Fumbling around the room, I grab my shoes and look at myself in the full length mirror. My braid is a little messy from sleep, but I look no different than usual otherwise. I probably should have made an effort to look more presentable for whatever Peeta has in mind, but it's too late now. I open the door and he is standing there waiting.

"Hey," he says with a lopsided grin.

"So what are these elusive plans of yours?" I ask. He smiles and says, "You'll see."

"Ugh, you know I hate surprises," I say.

My whining only makes him laugh, and I'm left with no choice but to let him lead me down the hallway. Instead of going down the huge staircase, we keep walking. I'm starting to get very curious when he finally stops in front of a door I have never seen before. He turns around and says, "Close your eyes."

"What if I don't want to?" I challenge.

He smirks. "I thought you might be difficult."

He pulls a strip of cloth out of his pocket, and I realize he plans on turning it into a blindfold.

"Fine," I say. "I'll close my eyes. But you better not make me regret this."

He laughs. "Katniss, have I ever done something to hurt you?"

"No," I admit. He means it as a joke, but I can't help think of how true it is. Peeta has never done anything to hurt me. All I do is hurt him.

"Okay," he says. "Now close your eyes."

I sigh and obediently close my eyes. He takes my hand and leads me through the door. After a few steps, I ask, "Can I open my eyes now?"

"Yes, go ahead and open them," he says.

When I open my eyes, I can't help but let out a small gasp. I have no idea how he has managed to do it, but the room we are standing in is breathtakingly beautiful. It is lit solely by tall, black lamps in each corner, and the western wall is made of glass, which allows us to look out over the city. Couple that with the sun slowly setting in the light orange sky, and it looks like it was meant for the girl on fire. I smile at the reference to my stylist, Cinna. He gave me a legacy that will no doubt follow me for the rest of my life.

Upon closer inspection, I see there is a wooden table close to the window set for two. I walk over to it and inspect the meal waiting for us. Hot chocolate, lamb stew, and many other delicacies I remember seeing during our Victory Tour. Peeta's attention to detail never ceases to amaze me.

"Do you like it?" he asks.

"I love it," I whisper. I turn around to look at him. "How did you do all of this?"

"Well, I found this room one night while I was looking around and the cooks agreed to help when I told them my plans," he says.

"Thank you," I say. "It's perfect."

"Good," he says with a smile. He walks over to the table and pulls out one of the chairs for me to sit. Even if it's all over the top, it feels great to spend time with Peeta again. Just us, with no cameras watching our every move. The only other time we had like this was after the Victory tour before we started training for the Quell, and our time was so short then.

"What are you thinking about?" Peeta asks.

"Just that it's nice to do something normal," I say.

"I couldn't agree more," he says with a smile. His smile is so genuine it's hard to believe he's the same person I knew two years ago. Without deciding if it's a bad idea or not, I ask, "How did you do it?"

He looks up from his food and asks, "Do what?"

"Get better," I say. "Last time I saw you, you were improving, but…"

"I was still a wreck," he finishes for me.

"Yeah," I mumble, looking down at my plate. He reaches across the table to wrap my hand in his.

"It's okay to ask," he says. "I've been trying to figure out how to talk about it myself."

He stares out across the shining city at something in the distance while still rubbing his thumb across my hand. I don't want to bother him, so we sit quietly for a moment. Finally he looks back at me.

"Sorry," he says, laughing nervously. "I just don't know how to begin."

Seeing Peeta at a loss for words is a whole new experience. He's never not known what to say as long as I've known him.

"Tell me about your treatment with Dr. Aurelius. You mentioned in your letters that he had you write your memories down?" I say, hoping to make this easier for him.

"Right," he says, seemingly thankful for the start I've offered. "It was really hard in those first few weeks before your trial. I asked about you every day, but they wouldn't let me see you. Now I'm glad they didn't. I was having fewer episodes each day, but there was still no guarantee that I wouldn't go mutt again if I actually saw you."

"That's understandable," I say. But I can't help but think how much easier it would have been for me during that time if I had been able to see him. Or anyone for that matter.

He runs his fingers through his hair and exhales. I can tell it's hard for him to talk about, so I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. He smiles gratefully and continues.

"Then Haymitch finally told me he was taking you back to Twelve. That's when I really started trying to get better. I knew I would have to do what they said if I ever wanted to see you again. I was worried about you being there alone with Haymitch because his promises to stay sober weren't very convincing."

"He made it a week," I say with a laugh. Peeta laughs too. "That's longer than I was giving him," he says.

"Anyway, go on," I say.

"Well, Dr. Aurelius started showing me clips of you and of us to gauge my reaction. I was okay most of the time, but sometimes I would just… lose it. Start throwing things around the room, screaming terrible things about you…"

He looks away from me shamefully at the memory.

"It's okay," I whisper. "That wasn't you."

"Thank you," he says. "Anyway, a nurse would shoot morphling into my arm and then he would ask me questions about the memory that had set me off. We worked for hours sometimes on just one clip, trying to dissect every detail. Eventually he decided it would be good for me to keep a journal. I started writing down everything I remembered about you. It was hard at first. I couldn't remember anything except what I saw on camera, and I didn't completely trust that. But then some little things started coming back. Like that you loved the cheese buns I made or your favorite color. Green, right?" he asks.

"Yes, green. Like the trees," I say.

"Right," he says. "After I started remembering those things, other memories started coming back. I remembered things we did together that weren't tainted by the Games or the Capitol. Like that one time I tried to teach you to bake…"

"Can we not talk about that?" I say. A smile is already playing on his lips, and we both burst into laughter. "I think we can both agree I belong in the woods, not the kitchen," I say.

"You could get better with a little practice. But I can't promise you'll ever be as good as me," he teases.

"Well, we can't all be naturals like you," I say laughing.

"When you start at about five years old, you don't have much of a choice," he says modestly.

While that may be true, I know there is so much more to it. The careful hand Peeta uses to design delicate flowers isn't something one can gain through practice. It's a gift he was born with.

"My inability to bake aside, please continue with your story," I say.

He laughs and picks up where he left off. "We spent weeks talking about every single thing I remembered about you, District Twelve, my family, my friends. Basically my whole life. After about three months of that, the episodes had all but stopped happening. So he authorized my return to District Twelve."

I shift nervously because I know what happens next. Still, he goes on.

"That's when Snow's people took me."

All of his laughter and jokes are gone now. His face is a mixture of fear and anger. I take his hand in both of mine, and he holds on tightly.

"It was terrible," he says plainly. "There was no torture or hijacking. No forced interviews with Caesar Flickerman. There was nothing. After all the time I spent trying to get better, I was locked away with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling all day!"

He is trying to stay calm for me, but the inflection in his voice betrayed his real emotions. The solemn picture he painted makes me angry too. I can't imagine all of the emotional turmoil he went through only to be shoved in a cell and left alone for a year and a half.

"Why do you think they kept you?" I ask.

"Who knows," he shrugs. "Paylor thinks they were biding their time until their movement had more momentum. Then they would have started using me to persuade others to join them like Snow tried to do."

The thought of Peeta being Kent's mouthpiece sends a shutter down my spine. Unlike District Thirteen and the other rebels, Snow and his grandson have always known who the real talent was between the two of us. But even with Peeta on his side, Snow didn't gain any ground because we are worth nothing apart. My impulsiveness and his ability to manipulate words form the perfect combination.

"But here we are," he says.

"I'm glad you're back," I say.

"Me too," he grins. "I've missed this so much."

"Me too," I admit.

He stands up and walks over to the window. The sun is almost completely hidden behind the horizon, and the sky is a beautiful blend of black and dark orange. I follow him and slip my fingers through his. He turns around and stares at me with such intensity that my heart quickens. He leans down so that our foreheads are touching and I can feel his breath.

"I love you," he whispers.

I hesitate. I thought I was prepared for this, but I don't know how to respond. Because even after all this time, I don't know how I feel about the boy standing in front of me. I'm still scrambling for words when he tilts my head with his finger and presses his lips to mine. It starts out slow, but I can feel the hunger taking over my body. It's the same thing I felt on the beach. So I let my lips tell him everything I can't put into a sentence. Too soon, it's Peeta that pulls away first.

"I think we'd better stop before we get too carried away," he says, still catching his breath.

My cheeks feel warm as a blush creeps across them. "Good idea," I say.

Peeta walks back to the table, and I try to regain my composure. This evening definitely hasn't been what I expected.

"Thank you for everything," I tell him. "This was exactly what I needed."

"Me too," he says. "You have no idea how much."

The blush reappears on my cheeks, but I duck my head before he can see. We leave our little room and start down the hallway. We stop in front of my door, and he says, "So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Right," I say. "See you tomorrow."

He brushes a hair away from my eyes ever so gently, and it sends shivers down my spine. Softly, he kisses me one more time.

"Goodnight, Katniss," he says.

"Goodnight," I say.

I watch as Peeta makes his way to his room and then close the door behind me. I brush my teeth, change into my nightgown, and slip under the covers. While I'm trying to fall asleep, I replay the day's events in my mind. Regardless of the consequences for mine and Peeta's behavior tonight, I can't seem to get rid of the smile on my face.


	11. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

The next morning I wake up feeling… happy. I didn't have a single nightmare. The last time that happened was… the last time I let Peeta in my bed around three years ago. The flush rises to my cheeks as soon as I make the connection. I still don't know exactly what came over us last night. It was like we were back on the beach in the arena with no idea how much time we had left together. And he said the three words I thought I would never hear again.

_I love you._

How is that even possible? He was tortured and made to think I was a mutt. He hated me. In the Capitol streets he was better than before, but there was no way the boy with crazed eyes and shaking hands loved me. It was one thing to read it in his letters, but hearing him say it with so little distance between us was another matter entirely.

And he sounded so honest and so like Peeta.

"Katniss, get up!" Haymitch slurs from the other side of the door, tearing me from the memory.

I look at the clock and see that it's 7 AM. He has never been a morning person, and I can't imagine why he is awake now.

"Don't make me come in there," he says.

I climb out of bed with a groan to let him know I'm not happy about the wake up call. I was already awake, but his pushiness isn't doing much to encourage my good mood. When I open the door, his hand is on the knob.

"What do you want?" I ask, trying to sound extra grumpy.

"Don't be so cheerful," he says. I glare at him. "Get to the point," I say.

"Paylor wants us all together in two hours for some kind of important meeting. You should get ready and eat breakfast before you go."

It's not like Haymitch to be so concerned about my morning routine. He stares at me exhaustedly.

"What?" he asks. I raise my eyebrows showing my suspicion, and finally he sighs. "Effie made me come get you and Peeta. She said some nonsense about a 'big, big, big, day.'"

I laugh despite myself and give up the cranky attitude. Only someone as persistent as Effie could have Haymitch up this early and ordering me around.

"Fine," I say. "I'll be there. Now, go away."

He huffs and walks away to wake Peeta up. I have no doubt he'll be asleep again before either of us are ready. I shower quickly and throw on a pair of jeans and a plain blue shirt. After I have redone my braid, I make my way to the cafeteria. The scene isn't a whole lot different from every other day.

Gale and Johanna are sitting at a table alone. She seems to be telling him something, and he is scowling at her a little less than usual. Good. Maybe she will keep him away from me.

When I get to my table, Kendall is in the middle of a dramatic story about his fishing trip in District 4 last summer. Everyone is laughing, and Peeta turns to me smiling.

"Hey there," he says.

I set my tray down and slide into the chair next to him.

"Hey," I say.

He tentatively reaches for my hand, and I do my best to look anywhere but at him. I'm afraid if I see his eyes, the blush will return to my cheeks. But it's too late because Tyner has apparently missed nothing.

He says, "I knew you two couldn't stay away from each other for long!"

Kendall, Marni, and Tyner are all laughing, and I'm definitely blushing now. Lily once again comes to the rescue.

"Leave Katniss and Peeta alone, Tyner! It's none of our business," she says.

He pretends to be ashamed as she shoots him a look, and Peeta laughs next to me. Leaning close so only I can hear, he whispers, "I promise I didn't tell them anything."

"Good," I say a little too harshly. "Keep it that way."

He looks hurt for a minute, and I immediately regret my words. But before I can apologize, he is already talking to Kendall about the bakery down the street. Judging by their conversation, Kendall is planning some sort of escape to sneak down there. Only Peeta could manage to find someone else who likes baking as much as him. I look to Lily and see that she was not oblivious to our exchange.

"I've got to get something from my room," she says to everyone. "Would you like to come with me, Katniss?"

Yes, I definitely would. Lily is a blessing, I think. She rambles on about how good the food was until we make it through the glass doors and into her room. Then she sits on her bed and motions for me to join her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.

I hesitate for a moment, trying to decide if I should tell her what's weighing on my mind. Before I can make a decision, she adds, "I mean, you don't have to. I just thought it might help. You can trust me."

One look into her dark green eyes, and I know she is telling the truth. Something about her is so like Prim. They are opposite in almost every way possible physically. But it's her spirit that is so much like Prim's. Of all the people here, other than Peeta and maybe Haymitch, Lily is the one I trust the most.

"It's Peeta," I sigh.

Then I tell her everything from the first reaping right up to now. The fake romance that might not have been so fake, the weeks of silence, the Quell, the long months in Thirteen, and the two years of knowing absolutely nothing about him. For some reason that I can't explain, it feels so good to tell someone. She doesn't interrupt once. She only nods her head and stares at me with compassion. Once I am finished, I think _this is what it's like to have a real friend_. The only other person I could have comfortably poured my heart out to was Finnick, but thinking about him only brings on an ache in my chest.

"Wow, I think your life off camera might have been more interesting than the one you tried to make Panem believe!" she jokes.

I laugh and say, "I think you might be right."

"Seriously though, I can see why it's so hard for you now. After all that pretending and then Snow hijacking Peeta, it's got to be hard to know what's real now."

In one sentence she has managed to cut straight to what's bothering me so much when I couldn't even figure it out. She really is like Prim.

"Exactly," I say.

"So what happened when Peeta got here?" she asks.

"I was relieved, of course. We effortlessly started acting exactly as we did before. But on the first day he was back we decided to take it slow since both of us were confused." Then I add, "Well, I was anyway."

"So that's what was going on last week," she says. Then she laughs and I ask, "What?"

"We all thought you two were acting weird!"

"We were," I admit with a small laugh of my own. "Peeta really is that polite, but people only tolerate me."

"Oh, I think he more than tolerates you," she says. "He really likes you."

"I know," I sigh.

"And I kind of like you too," she says with a grin.

I smile back at her and say, "Thanks."

Then her face becomes concerned again and she says, "But you and Peeta seemed more like before today. What changed?"

So it really was noticeable then. I had my suspicions everyone had seen the difference in our behavior, but Gale had been the only one to voice his opinion.

"We kind of went on a… date last night," I explain.

The word sounds foreign coming from my mouth. Of course the girls from town always talked about dating at school, but I had never had much use for it. Or anyone to tell either. Madge was the closest I had to a friend back at school, and that's definitely not a conversation I would have had with Gale.

But here and now, Lily's face lights up in delight. She gushes, "Tell me all about it!"

I do my best to explain the stunning room and dinner Peeta prepared for me. I know she doesn't understand everything behind the fire-themed stuff since she never watched the Games in Thirteen, but she nods her head understandingly anyway. When I get to the end, I pause for a minute. With a deep breath, I finally say, "He told me he loved me. Then he kissed me."

Her mouth drops slightly at first, but then she smiles knowingly.

"So that's why your face turned bright red when Tyner said that," she says.

I just nod and look down at the white comforter sheepishly.

"Kissing Peeta is nothing to be embarrassed about, Katniss," she says. "If that's what you want, then I'm happy for you!"

Now she has hit the true source of my confusion. What I want. I can't deny what I felt when we kissed, but I don't know if I'm ready for everything else that goes along with it. And it's ridiculous. Peeta is someone I trust and would give my life for in a heartbeat. Of all the people in my life, the list of people I can say that about isn't very long. But does that mean I love him?

"Lily?" I say.

"Hmm?"

She turns around from the mirror where she was brushing her hair and sits back down in front of me.

"How do you know… if you love someone?" I ask.

She stares at the floor thoughtfully for at least half a minute before answering.

"Close your eyes," she instructs. I must look skeptical because she says, "Just do it."

I follow her directions and then she says, "Okay, now imagine your life with that person."

Just as she said, I imagine my life with Peeta. He would be there every morning when I woke up, every night when I went to sleep, baking bread in the kitchen, taking walks in the afternoon, laughing, getting married someday. It's easy to picture. And in my mind, I am happy.

"Now imagine your life without that person."

Once again, I do as she says. I imagine my life without Peeta. After the last two years, it's not hard to figure out what it would look like. Waking up alone from nightmares and living from one day to the next. Never seeing his smile or the way his face looks when he is concentrating on a drawing or hearing his voice. I could survive like that, but I don't want to. I miss him already.

"I think," she says. "If you can't imagine living your life without that person, you probably love them."

I don't even know what to say, so I just hug her.

"Thank you, Lily," I say. "You are a true friend."

She pulls back and says, "I'm glad I could help somehow. You are a true friend too, Katniss."

She gives my shoulders a gentle squeeze and says, "We still have about half an hour before that meeting. You could go talk to him."

My first impulse is to sprint from the room and find Peeta, but I force myself to think it through. There will be no going back if I tell him what I now know. But if I never tell him…

That's when I make my decision.

"I think I'll do that," I say.

"Good," she says with a smile.

As I'm practically running out the door, I hear her call, "Good luck!"

I decide to check the cafeteria first. With a quick scan of the room, I determine he's not there. My next stop is the picnic tables outside where he usually sits with Kendall and Tyner. But he's not there either. The other two are, though, so I walk up to the table.

"Hey, have you guys seen Peeta anywhere?" I ask.

Tyner smiles mischievously, and I resist the childish urge to stick my tongue out at him. I look to Kendall and he answers more seriously, "No, we thought he was with you. He went inside about ten minutes ago."

"Oh," I say. I can feel my stomach twisting with worry. With a deep breath, I remind myself we're not in the arena. Just because he is out my sight, it doesn't mean something is wrong.

"You might check his room," Kendall says.

"Right," I say. "Thanks."

Then I make my way back inside and upstairs to his room. The door is partly open so I call his name. No answer. The feeling returns to my stomach, and it's much stronger this time. Something isn't right. I open the door slowly and gasp at what I find. Peeta is lying on the floor next to his bed, and there is blood seeping from a cut on his hand.

"Peeta!"

In an instant I'm on the floor with his head in my lap. I push the hair back from his eyes and check his pulse. His heart is beating steadily, but he's unconscious. There's a pocket knife lying open on the floor that most likely explains the cut on his hand.

I continue saying his name and gently shaking him until finally he groans softly. He slowly opens his eyes and tries to focus on my face.

"Peeta," I say quietly so it doesn't scare him. "It's going to be okay."

He tries to sit up, but I push him back down gently. "Don't move too fast. You just stay here, and I'll get help."

Then he grabs my wrist forcefully. I think he is going to tell me not to leave, but what he says is the last thing I expect. He spits the word out like it's a poison in his mouth.

"Mutt!"


	12. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

I take an instinctive step back. Cautiously, I say, "Peeta, it's me. Katniss."

"I know who you are," he says.

Peeta's eyes hold such intense hatred and disgust. They can't possibly belong to the boy with the bread. But they do.

"What are you waiting for?" he taunts. "I figured you would have finished me off by now."

He nods toward the knife and gives me a smug grin that sends a shiver down my spine. The mocking, sarcastic expression doesn't belong on Peeta's face. With slow, careful movements, I pick up the knife, close it, and place it in my pocket. The last thing I need is for him to have a weapon.

He lets go of my wrist and places as much distance between us as possible. Instead of attacking or yelling at me, he just looks at me. His critical gaze makes me uncomfortable so I start talking again.

"Whatever you are thinking, it's not real," I say.

He scowls at me and says, "Why am I supposed to believe you? You hate me."

"Peeta, I don't hate you," I say, my voice pleading. "I could never hate you."

"Then why did you try to kill me?" he asks. "Why do you always try to hurt me?"

The tension in his voice is rising, but the anger is being overpowered by another emotion. Pain. I take a step towards him, and he warns, "Stay back!"

So I stop and look at him. His hands shake as he locks them in his disheveled hair. His eyes look insane. The kind, patient boy I sat next to at breakfast just an hour ago has completely transformed into this unstable person standing in front of me now. I have no idea how to bring him back, or even if I can. I've never felt more helpless.

"I don't try to hurt you," I say.

I meant it to be strong and convincing, but it doesn't sound that way when my voice is so small.

"Yes, you do," he insists. "You let me think you loved me, but it was all a lie. You hate me. You've always wanted to kill me."

Peeta's accusations turn into a rant, and each one stings worse than the one before it. I place my hands over my ears, trying to clear my mind. But it doesn't work. His angry voice drowns out even my thoughts. Finally, I snap.

"I don't hate you, Peeta!" I yell. "I love you!"

I clamp my hand over my mouth, but the words are already out. There's no time to think it through or regret it. The only thing I can do now is watch how it affects him. And affect him it does. He stares at me speechless for about three seconds, and then he collapses. I run over to where he is crumpled on the floor and wrap my arms around him, holding his hands in mine in case he tries to do anything. He doesn't try to hurt me though. Instead, he begins to cry.

My first instinct is to try to comfort him somehow, but I'm too afraid to let go of his hands yet so I settle for rubbing them in what I hope is a soothing manner.

"It's okay," I whisper.

He fights for control of his voice but only ends up crying harder.

"You don't have to say anything," I say. "Just wait until you calm down. I'll be here."

He listens to me and remains in my arms until his breathing begins to slow. After a few minutes, I ease my grip on his hands and he places them on my arms, holding on to me and his sanity. When he is finally somewhat normal again, I stand up and offer him a hand. He looks at his injured hand as if he is confused by it and then extends the other one. Carefully, I lead him over to the bed and make him sit while I dig through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Once I've found a disinfectant cream and a fairly large cloth bandage, I return and start working on his hand.

"Do you have any idea how you cut yourself?" I ask.

"I think I was trying to open something with my knife, and then… I'm not sure what happened," he says.

I finish wrapping his hand and don't ask any more questions. I don't even know what to ask. Peeta doesn't say anything either. After I've finished, we sit in unbearable silence for what feels like forever. With each passing second, the invisible wall between us starts to seem more and more real. Finally I reach for his hand to close the gap, but he pulls it back.

"You can't touch me," he says. "You shouldn't be near me."

For a terrifying moment, I think he has slipped again. But his face looks sad, not crazy. So I ask, "And why is that?"

"I could hurt you," he says, his eyes focused on a spot on the floor.

That's when I know for sure he's returned to himself. Of course he would react this way because that's just how Peeta is. Always trying to protect me. I grab his good hand before he can move it and grasp it tightly.

"I'm not going anywhere," I say with as much force I can muster.

Peeta finally lifts his eyes to meet mine, and the pain inside them is overwhelming. He wears an anguished look on his face. In a matter of seconds, however, his expression becomes emotionless.

"Fine, stay here," he shrugs. "But I'm going to tell Paylor what happened."

No. That can't happen. If anyone else finds out about this, he'll be locked up. I'll never see him again. Can't he see that?

Before he can take two steps, I climb over the bed and place myself between him and the door.

"Don't," I say, working to keep my voice strong. "You can't tell her."

Peeta sighs and closes his eyes, seemingly using all of his energy to keep his face in check.

"I have to," he says.

I cross my arms defiantly to let him know I'm not moving. We stand like that, staring each other down, for at least half a minute. The tension builds until he is the first one to speak.

"Katniss, I can't lose you! You saw how I was just now. I could have killed you!" he yells.

"If you tell Paylor, you'll lose me for sure!" I yell back. Then I lower my voice. "They'll never let me see you again."

He stares into my eyes, trying to convey a message that I won't accept. He says in a quiet voice, "Maybe that would be for the best."

I flinch at his words and have to keep myself from losing it right there. He has to know that's not an option.

"You don't believe that," I say. "And neither do I. You might have relapsed, but you came back. You're fine now!"

He shakes his head. "But what if I don't come back next time?" he asks. "If I did something to hurt you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

It's an argument that neither of us can counter because the possibility is too real. There's no guarantee Peeta won't hurt me. Or worse, he could slip away from me forever. He starts walking toward the door, and I place my hand on his chest to stop him.

"Don't leave me," I say pleadingly.

He places one hand over mine, and I barely see a tear leave the corner of his eye before he catches it with his other hand. His voice is full of pain when he says, "Katniss, you know I have to."

Suddenly there is a knock at the door and Haymitch yells, "Peeta, are you in there?"

Before he can answer, I reply, "Yes, we both are!"

"Oh," Haymitch says, clearly surprised to hear my voice. "Well, the meeting is starting in the conference room so whatever you two are doing will have to wait until later."

I would have blushed at his implications if the circumstances were different. But I'm in survival mode.

"Okay," I say evenly, never taking my eyes off Peeta. "We're coming."

Peeta looks me in the eyes and says, "After the meeting, I'm talking to her."

I know we've reached an impasse because I can't follow him around forever to keep him from telling someone. Then an idea hits me. He's going to tell someone no matter what I say, but I might be able to convince him to tell the right person.

"Let's talk to Haymitch first," I say. "He can tell you if Paylor needs to know."

I watch as Peeta thinks it over, probably trying to predict Haymitch's reaction. Between the two of us, it's no secret that Haymitch usually sides with me. But he must decide he can convince him to tell Paylor because he says, "Okay. We'll talk to Haymitch, but no more bargaining after that."

It's the best I'm going to get, so I take his hand without a word and open the door. We make our way to the conference room and take our seats. Lily gives me a questioning look that I ignore because I don't know how to respond. A dismal look would say I didn't tell him, and a smile would imply everything went well. Neither of those scenarios accurately describes what just happened.

Someone else in the room catches my eye as I look around. Effie Trinket is sitting next to where Paylor stands. This must be important because she hasn't been in any of our meetings before. Paylor clears her throat, and the conversations around us die down.

"As you all know, Beetee, Effie, and I have been doing a lot of research on Kent Snow and his operation just as you all have been training diligently. Now it's time to put all of that work to use because a portion of your group has been assigned to a new mission."

Everyone looks around the room at this news. Most people are excited to finally be able to do something after our long break, but Peeta tenses beside me and I tighten my hold on his hand. This is not good. Our only hope is that for some reason, Paylor didn't choose him.

"The following people will make up Squad 319." I close my eyes and listen as she reads off the list of names. "Kendall, Tyner, Marni, Lily, Johanna, Gale, Katniss, and Peeta."

I slowly let out the breath I wasn't aware I was holding. That's it. There will be no convincing him to let it go now.

"As Squad 319, your mission is to capture Kent Snow and bring him back to the Capitol. Along with five other trained soldiers, including the commander of your previous two missions, you will be deployed in three days. Are there any questions?"

Forget about questions, I can't even form a coherent thought. All I can think about is what this means for Peeta's latest setback. There's no way she'll let him go.

"Where are we being deployed?" Gale asks.

That would have been a good question to ask if I had been thinking clearly. I listen closely to hear Paylor's response.

"For security reasons, you'll be told all of the details after the hovercraft takes off," she says.

Everyone nods and we are dismissed. I'm afraid at first that Peeta might go straight to Paylor, but he seems to be keeping our deal. He stops outside the door when we get to the hallway, and Haymitch stops too when he sees us. As only a good mentor can, he knows that something is up. Instead of asking me, he goes straight to Peeta. He knows he'll get the truth from him.

"So what do you need to tell me?"

Peeta hesitates for a minute while looking at me. "Um, can we go somewhere… quiet?"

Haymitch raises an eyebrow but takes the hint. We follow him outside to a table. Once we are seated, Haymitch studies us carefully as if he is trying to figure something out.

"So what is it?" he asks us. He points at me. "Are you pregnant or something?"

My mouth falls open in shock, and I imagine that Peeta's expression mirrors mine.

"No!" We both say it quickly and in unison.

"Okay, okay. Just making sure," Haymitch says.

Peeta and I stare at the table solemnly, neither of us wanting to start the inevitable conversation.

"Geez, I was just kidding," Haymitch says. "You two need to lighten up!"

Before he can make any more embarrassing assumptions, Peeta cuts right to it. "I had a relapse, and Katniss was there."

Haymitch's joking attitude vanishes right away. He is looking only at Peeta now. Probably judging his mental state. But he won't find anything because nothing is left of the crazed boy except the haunted look in his eyes.

"What happened?" Haymitch asks seriously.

"I don't know what triggered it," Peeta says. "And I don't remember everything."

Haymitch turns to me and says, "You were there?"

I nod and he asks, "Was he violent? What did he say?"

"He wasn't violent," I start. "He said I was a mutt then he said I hate him and have always wanted to kill him."

I risk a glance at Peeta and see him wringing his hands anxiously. I can tell how much my words hurt him. Haymitch must follow my gaze because his eyes focus on Peeta's bandaged hand.

"What happened to your hand?" he asks.

"Uh, I was holding a knife when it happened. I think." Peeta says. His eyebrows scrunch together as he tries to remember.

"The knife was lying on the floor when I walked in," I add.

"Well, it's a good sign that the attack started before you actually showed up. That means your presence wasn't what triggered it," Haymitch points out.

That's true. Peeta was already gone before I ever walked in the room. I had assumed that it was my fault, as usual. Peeta seems to be running out of patience with the conversation. In a frustrated voice, he says, "It doesn't matter what triggered it. The point is it could happen again at any time. I can't be in the middle of a mission and turn into a mutt!"

"You don't know if you will have another relapse or not. That could have been a one-time deal," I say. My argument sounds unconvincing to even me, but I have to say something. I can't do this without him.

"Do you really think it was a one-time deal?" Peeta asks. His voice is impatient. I cross my arms and snap back, "Well it's not like you can see the future. For all you know, I could be right."

Peeta lets out an exasperated sigh. Before either of us can say anything else, Haymitch interrupts. "That's enough. If I wanted to hear two lovebirds fight, I would have talked to Gale and Johanna. Now shut up, so I can think about this."

His statement about Gale and Johanna catches my attention, but somehow I don't think now is the time to ask. I make a mental note to investigate later and turn my attention back to Haymitch and Peeta. Haymitch is pinching the bridge of his nose, and Peeta is staring at something in the distance. My patience is wearing thin, and I'm about to say something when Haymitch finally raises his head.

He says, "Okay, here's what we're going to do."

Both Peeta and I snap to attention and wait for his decision. First, Haymitch points at Peeta. "You have no business being in combat with such a fragile mental state."

Peeta lets out a sigh, and I open my mouth to protest. Haymitch holds up his hand to stop me and continues, "But frankly, we need you."

The determined look returns to Peeta's face, and he starts talking before Haymitch can utter another word.

"That's ridiculous!" he yells. "I'll kill her! Is that what you want?"

Surprisingly, Haymitch doesn't even react to Peeta's outburst. Instead, he calmly replies, "We have three days until you're set to leave. I'm going to call Dr. Aurelius and let him talk to you. If he thinks it will help, he'll prescribe you some medication to help you focus. No one says a word to Paylor until you've spoken to Dr. Aurelius. Are we clear?"

Peeta storms off without a word, and I sit dumbfounded while Haymitch sighs. Peeta is angry, but we both know he won't do anything. He just needs to fume about it.

"Why did you take my side?" I ask.

"I didn't," he says gruffly. "It's all up to Dr. Aurelius."

"But you think the medication will keep him from relapsing during the mission?" I ask.

"For both of your sakes, I certainly hope so," he says. "I know you aren't going to go without him, and he'll go if he thinks you'll be safe. We can't afford to lose both of you."

I nod my head but remain sitting, unsure what to do next. It crosses my mind that I should call my mother if they will allow me. She should at least know that I am safe. I'll have to ask later if that's an option.

"Katniss?" Haymitch says, breaking through my thoughts.

I look up and he asks, "How did you get him to snap out of it?"

Looking down at my hands nervously, I decide it's best for him to know the truth. He did just agree with what was no doubt a stupid idea.

"I told him I love him," I mumble.

"Oh," Haymitch says, stifling a laugh. "About time." I shoot him a weak glare, and he does his best to look serious again. But there is still a hint of a smile on his face. Then he says, "Well, don't you think you should go talk to him then?"

I don't have a clue what I'll say, but Haymitch is right. I can't very well tell Peeta I love him after everything we've been through and then act like it never happened. So before I can change my mind, I start walking to Peeta's room.

**A/N I know, that was a mean cliffhanger! :D But it's because I love you all. Thank you so much to all my reviewers and to everyone who has stuck with this story! I'm having a lot of fun writing it so it makes me happy to know so many people care about it!**


	13. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

I approach Peeta's door and knock twice, not really expecting an answer. He was really angry after our conversation with Haymitch. I've only seen him act that way once before, during the Victory Tour in District 11 when he realized we were keeping things from him. I have to admit it's almost amusing to see him yelling at Haymitch because he's usually the nicer one of the two of us. But then again, we aren't the same people we used to be.

"Go away, Haymitch! I'm not going to tell anyone."

Since I was expecting to have to force him to answer, his voice surprises me. Hesitantly, I call, "It's me, Peeta. Can I come in?"

There is silence, and then, in an almost defeated voice, he says, "Yeah."

I slowly push open the door and find him lounging on the bed, hands behind his head. Well, he certainly looks more relaxed than I expected. His eyes shift in my direction warily as I gently close the door. He must notice that I'm uncomfortable because he directs his gaze to the ceiling again.

"Can I sit down?" I tentatively ask.

He shrugs, and I take that as a yes. So I sit down on the end of the bed and look at him. Everything about him looks tired, even though he was fine this morning at breakfast. More than fine, actually. But there isn't a trace of light in his stormy blue eyes now. Without looking away from the ceiling, he finally asks, "Why are you here?'

"Because we need to talk," I say simply.

He finally looks my way and sighs as if our short exchanges are exhausting him. "Yes, we do."

I open my mouth to speak again, but he beats me to it. "We can't be around each other, even if Dr. Aurelius says I can go."

The way he says it is so matter of fact. You'd think he was talking about the weather outside or the color of the walls. Immediately, I respond, "That's impossible, and you know it."

In a sudden burst of energy, or anger, he sits up in front of me. "Katniss, I could kill you!" His eyes hold a desperation that rivals only the look he gave me while he was a mutt. "Do you understand that? I could literally kill you, just like that!" He snaps his fingers and glares at me, begging me to understand.

With just as much fervor, I yell, "That's just more of Snow's lies! You aren't that person anymore, Peeta."

"Then why did I snap earlier?" he asks in a low, barely controlled voice. "Why did I go mutt again?"

Knowing this is where he has me, I quietly answer, "I don't know."

"Exactly," he says. His posture relaxes a little, and he runs a hand through his hair. He looks so distressed I want to reach out and comfort him, but I don't think it would help right now.

Instead, I ask in a small voice, "Does it even matter that I love you?"

He looks up, eyes wide with surprise, for a moment. Then, without meeting my eyes, he says, "That's exactly why it matters."

I look away and out the window to the busy streets, fighting back the tears stinging my eyes.

"So that's it, then?" I ask. "You're just going to give up?"

He stares at the floor for a long moment and then nods his head. Unable to be in the same room with him any longer, I stand up to leave. I turn to look one last time before I close the door, and his expression is still unfeeling. With that last image in my head, I run down the hallway and slam the door to my room. After locking it, I go into the bathroom and lock that door too for good measure. When I finally feel sure that no one will find me, the tears spill from my eyes.

I don't know how long I stay there, but after some length of time my brain acknowledges that my present state isn't helping anything. But what is there to do when the one person you expected to always be there casts you off? A knock on the door tears me away from my thoughts. I ignore whoever it is, but the knocking persists. So I stand up and look in the mirror. It's obvious that I've been crying, even after I splash water on my face. Oh well, it will have to do. I open the door to the bathroom and then the door to the hallway. And standing in front of me is none other than Gale Hawthorne.

He immediately takes note of my puffy eyes, and asks, "Katniss, what happened to you?"

"Nothing," I mumble, admittedly unconvincingly.

"It doesn't look like nothing," he points out. So I sigh and edit my previous answer to, "Nothing I want to talk about."

He frowns but lets it go anyway. "Can I come in?" he asks.

I think about it for a minute but decide it can't hurt anything. Gale is another loose end I should tie up while I have the chance. Who knows what will happen in the mission? So I shrug and move aside for him to come in.

I stand with my arms crossed for a moment, just evaluating him. Gale has changed. Everyone is on edge after the meeting. Gale, however, is devastated. Not unlike my own state.

"I think we should talk before the mission because, well…" he trails off.

"Because we might not come back." I finish for him.

Looking even more uncomfortable, he sighs, "Exactly."

I take a seat on the end of the bed and motion for him to do the same. We stare at each other for a few short seconds before he extends his arms at the same time I go in for a hug. Despite the years and the circumstances, his arms still feel like home. They feel like safety and the woods and everything I used to know.

"I've missed you, Katniss." He whispers fervently. "So much."

"I've missed you too," I answer. And as I say it, I'm struck by how much I mean it.

"I can't believe I said those things about Prim," he says. The rest comes out quickly, as if he is afraid he won't have enough time to say it. "I was angry, and honestly, I said it because I knew it would hurt you. You know I've always loved Prim like she was my own sister."

I see the pleading in his eyes and know that I believe him. But there is still a nagging question in my mind. "Did you know she was being sent with the other medics?"

He looks me in the eyes and answers, "No. I didn't even know Coin was going to use those bombs. Do you really think I would have let our squad go anywhere near the Capitol that day if I knew what was waiting there for us?"

"No, I don't." I answer. Gale may be cruel sometimes, but he would never have done that.

"And Coin would never have told me about the plan or Prim's involvement. She had to know that I would have told you."

I have to admit his explanation makes perfect sense. So I simply nod my head and say, "I believe you."

The relief on his face is almost enough to wipe away the grief that marks his features. "I helped Beetee design those bombs, but I never thought they would have been used against our own people. And with a few years to reflect on the consequences, I regret creating them completely. Just like you said, there is some sort of line. And I crossed it."

The anguish he is feeling is nearly tangible. I take his hand and hold it in mine in an act of comfort. He stares at our hands then looks into my grey eyes. "Now I just need to know if you can forgive me. I don't want to keep living without my best friend."

My voice breaks a little from my earlier crying, but I say, "I forgive you."

"Thank you, Katniss."

Gale smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. With the weight of our disagreement lifted, it's clear to see that both of us are suffering from some greater affliction.

"So now that we're friends again," he starts, "do you want to tell me why you were crying when I walked in?"

I chew on the corner of my lip hesitantly. It's absolutely imperative that President Paylor doesn't find out about Peeta's relapse. If Gale thinks I'm in danger, he might tell her. To buy myself a little more time, I say, "You first."

"What?" He looks genuinely confused so I clarify.

"You don't look far from tears yourself."

"Well, there's something you don't know," he begins.

"Go on," I say, truly intrigued.

"Johanna and I are sort of… together. And with this mission, I'm worried about her."

I suddenly remember Haymitch's nonchalant reference to Gale and Johanna and smile. It makes perfect sense, really. Johanna's sarcastic sense of humor would balance out Gale's fiery personality quite nicely.

"I'm really happy for you," I say, eliciting a small smile from him. "But why are you worried?" I ask.

I know why I'm worried about Peeta, but I can't imagine Gale or Johanna being in a similar situation. If anyone can take care of themselves, it's Johanna.

"I guess I'm just worried about losing her," he admits, staring at the floor.

Those words register deep within me. Even if Peeta hadn't been hijacked, I would still be worried sick about him being in danger. That's just how it is when you love someone.

"I understand," I say.

There is silence, and then Gale asks, "Is that why you were crying? Because you're worried about Peeta?"

"Yes," I say. "And no."

Gale laughs lightly and asks, "Could you be any vaguer?"

"We had a fight," I say. I'm hoping he will leave it at that because I don't know how much more I can say. But of course he doesn't.

"What was it about?" he asks, a little too defensively.

"Nothing that you need to get involved in," I reply hastily.

"Don't worry, I won't beat him up." Then he smiles mischievously. "Unless you want me to, that is."

"Of course I don't!" I say quickly. Even though I know he is only speaking as a friend, I know he would actually do it. So I explain, "He didn't do anything wrong."

"Right," he says. "I'm not saying you're lying, but you've never been the type to be provoked without a good reason."

It's obvious that I have two choices. I can either tell him the truth or try to make him stop asking for answers because he knows me too well to be lied to. But I also know him too well to think he will walk away from it.

"If I tell you," I begin. "You have to promise to never tell anyone. There could be serious consequences if people found out."

His eyes take on a look of worry. "You're scaring me, Katniss."

"Do you promise?" I ask.

"Yes, I promise," he says.

So I tell him all about Peeta's relapse and Haymitch's deal with Dr. Aurelius. By the end, his expression is just as angry as I expected.

"You have to tell Paylor!" he practically yells in disbelief, as if he thinks it will make me understand. "Peeta is like a loose cannon if he's relapsing again. You are putting yourself in danger for no reason!"

Instead of arguing my point, I ask the one question I know will make him understand. "Would you go without Johanna, under the same circumstances?"

He stares at me for a moment speechless, and I know my words have had the desired effect. When he answers, I can tell he's given up. "You really love him, don't you?"

I swallow the lump in my throat and nod. He says, "I'm happy for you, you know."

"I'm not," I answer.

He looks up in confusion and asks, "Why do you say that?"

"Because if I didn't love him, I wouldn't be in so much pain right now."

Almost as soon as I finish the sentence, the tears come again. He wipes one away with the back of his hand, but it doesn't do any good because within seconds I'm sobbing. So he opens his arms again and I fall into them. He runs his fingers through my hair in what was probably an attempt to soothe me. Then he whispers, "If we didn't love, we wouldn't have a reason to fight."


	14. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: All of the characters, plots, places, direct quotes, and everything else Hunger Games-related belongs to Suzanne Collins. I own none of it, and I am in no way associated with the Hunger Games franchise. The title was inspired by the song Do You Remember by Jay Sean. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N I know. I fail. I don't really have a good excuse for why it took me so long to update. Anyways, here you go!**

Peeta didn't end up needing Dr. Aurelius' approval to take part in the mission. The very next day, he had a relapse that rivaled the first one and was placed under intensive care in a remote section of the mansion. I was in training this morning when Haymitch rushed in and pulled me from the rest of the group. They found Peeta in his room amongst a lot of broken glass and disheveled furniture. He was screaming my name, and it took four people to sedate him. Dr. Aurelius was called immediately and now has his own room in the mansion for as long as it takes until Peeta is recovered. If there is such a thing.

Sitting on a plush chair outside the makeshift hospital room, I stare down the long hallway. I wasn't allowed to bring anyone with me or tell anyone where I was going, but I doubt it would matter if I had. No one would be able to navigate their way through the insane maze of halls and elevators Haymitch and I used to get here. The hallway is empty and way too quiet. Just as I am considering knocking on the door for the third time, Dr. Aurelius opens it. His face is plagued with worry, and I stare at his tired eyes until he says something.

"Katniss," he begins, after a pause too long for my taste. "Peeta seems to have returned to his normal self once again."

I feel a wave of relief course through me. The doctor's gaze, however, doesn't falter. Not all of his news is positive.

"You have been ruled out as a trigger for these attacks. However, you are still the sole target of his rage once they have begun."

I wonder if he has told Peeta this bit of news. It probably wouldn't make him feel any differently about the danger of us being together, but it certainly can't hurt. Impatiently, I ask, "Does that mean I can see him now?"

Dr. Aurelius sighs. "Yes, you can see him. It is my understanding that you will be leaving tomorrow night. Correct?"

I nod.

"Then don't let him convince you to stay away. I think you might be the best treatment until he is stable enough to begin therapy."

I really doubt Peeta will agree with Dr. Aurelius' opinion, but I brush past him anyway and enter the room. Peeta is lying in the bed with a heart monitor and an IV attached to his arm. There are no physical signs to indicate his previous condition other than his bandaged hands and a small cut below his eye. He appears to be resting so I sit in the chair next to him and slowly take his hand.

His eyes fly open and then relax when he sees it's only me. To my relief, he doesn't order me out or say anything at all. He only closes his eyes again and begins to move his thumb softly against the back of my hand. We stay like that for a few minutes until he opens his eyes again and sighs.

"You shouldn't be here," he says.

I can tell by his half-hearted tone that he doesn't have the strength, and possibly not the willpower, to fight me. Good.

"Well, I am," I retort. "And Dr. Aurelius told me to stay, so you aren't getting rid of me."

"If I really wanted to get rid of you, I wouldn't be in this situation," Peeta says with the tiniest hint of a grin.

His light attitude, so Peeta-like, makes me laugh. And despite the circumstances surrounding our last conversation, I can feel my cool exterior beginning to dissolve.

What he said was true. Even back in our first Games. If he had only let Cato kill me in that arena, he would be living as the only victor of the 74th Hunger Games right now. But he didn't, and Panem is a different world because of it. Sure, I would like to think the rebellion would have happened without us. But the truth is our refusal to kill each other is what sparked the flames of rebellion across the nation, and it's the reason for Peeta's current condition.

Shaking those troubling thoughts from my mind, I stand up. "Scoot over," I tell him.

He moves over to make room for me without protesting, and I climb in the bed next to him as he settles his arm around me. A nagging voice in the back of my mind tells me not to trust his change of heart. Not two days ago, he told me he was giving up on us. If it weren't for his confinement to the bed and Dr. Aurelius's orders, he probably wouldn't be speaking to me now.

"You're pretty brave, you know," he says.

"Why?" I ask, choking down the lump in my throat that says the voice was right.

"I could go mutt again at any second," he says solemnly.

I turn to face him. Apparently Dr. Aurelius hasn't told him anything.

"No one knows what is causing your attacks, Peeta, but Dr. Aurelius says it's not me," I tell him.

I don't mention the part about me being his only target. Somehow that information doesn't seem helpful. He doesn't say anything. He just rests his head against mine in an act of surrender. That's when I decide to go ahead and trust whatever impulse is keeping me here. Besides, with the mission tomorrow, our time could very well be limited.

"You've been taking your medicine, right?" I ask a little skeptically.

"Of course," he sighs. "Dr. Aurelius is already looking into the possibility of a negative reaction. I've been taking them every day since I got here other than the one day I lost them, and Paylor replaced them immediately when that happened."

I start to make an off-hand comment about the usefulness, or lack thereof, of Dr. Aurelius's pills, but something about his answer makes me stop short. My brain, however, can't quite place the problem in my current condition. Peeta's relapse, the impending mission to capture former President Snow's grandson, the possibility of a negative reaction in Peeta's medications… The list of things clouding my mind seems to be never-ending. Oh, and there's the small issue of me declaring my love for Peeta. It's no wonder I'm a little preoccupied.

I look at the boy next to me and see that Peeta is deep in thought too. When his eyes meet mine, he lets out a small laugh.

"What?" I ask him.

"We're both lousy company," he says.

We both laugh because it's true. You would think we could come up with something interesting to talk about, but we're both about as lively as Haymitch after a couple bottles of white liquor today.

"Well, what should we do?" I ask.

There aren't a lot of options considering we can't leave this stuffy room. A television is mounted on the wall, but I've never been a fan of Plutarch's programming. It's a little too Capitol for me.

"Tell me a story," he says suddenly, resting his head in his hand, his elbow bent against the pillows.

His request takes me all the way back to the 74th Hunger Games. We are sitting in the damp cave, and Peeta is dying from the blood poisoning in his leg.

"_Tell me a story."_

I remember the story I chose. How I got Prim's goat, Lady. I fabricated most of it, of course, because I didn't come by her legally. But the means I used wasn't really the point anyway. It was all about the look on Prim's face when she saw me carrying that scrawny thing up the road. So happy, so full of life. Unlike now.

"Katniss?"

I jump and my thoughts are once again focused on the present. Peeta is looking at me worriedly.

"What's wrong? Did I say something?" he asks.

"No," I shake my head. "I was just thinking about Prim."

His eyes flash in recognition and he reaches out to stroke my arm. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"It's okay," I say, interrupting him. "That was a long time ago. What do you want me to tell you about?"

He studies my face for a minute. He must decide I'm not about to have a breakdown because he finally says, "Tell me about something that happened after you returned to District 12."

After I returned to 12? That's a loaded topic. As I'm trying to decide how to sugarcoat the months of depression and nightmares, something else surfaces in my thoughts.

"Haymitch has been raising geese."

Peeta's face is stoic for about three seconds before he begins laughing so hard he can barely breathe. I start to become concerned when his heart monitor speeds up and consider calling for someone, but he manages to stop laughing long enough to tell me he's fine. That's when I start laughing too. It really is pretty hilarious.

We both manage to catch our breath, and between gasps, Peeta says, "I have got to hear how this happened."

So I recount the story of the first time Haymitch ran out of alcohol.

It was already blistering hot that morning, and I had not been able to convince myself to go to the woods. We had been back in 12 for about a month, just long enough for Haymitch and I to start getting on each other's nerves. I was sitting in my usual place on the couch when I heard a door slam. I didn't think much of it, considering Haymitch's usual demeanor. It was only when I heard the sound of breaking glass that I became curious. I slowly pulled back the curtains and stared at the scene unfolding in front of me.

Haymitch was smashing the empty bottles against the side of his house, one after the other. By the time he was finished, there were at least 25 of them. He stared at the mess for a moment looking sort of dazed. Then, without warning, he started shouting every curse word I had ever heard and a few I think he made up on the spot. If I had been in a healthy state of mind, I would have probably been disgusted. Instead, I watched with indifference as he screamed and threatened the invisible offenders. Eventually he gave up and stalked down the road that led into town. I rolled my eyes and fell back onto the couch, thinking his theatrics were over for the day. In about half an hour, I woke to the sound of the geese.

There were five of them. Four of them were exploring a makeshift pen he had constructed. The other was running across the green in the middle of Victor's Village, followed by Haymitch and his string of curse words. His arms flailed about wildly as he repeatedly tried and failed to grasp the bird. The oddness of the situation was enough to break through the fog that constantly surrounded my brain. Slowly, I made my way to the front door and opened it just wide enough to poke my head out. I watched for a moment until Haymitch spotted me. I closed the door quickly, but he was knocking before I could even lock the deadbolt. Annoyed, I slung the door open.

"What do you want?" I asked.

He was nearly doubled over and breathing very hard. It didn't surprise me. I hadn't seen him run that much since the three of us trained for the Quarter Quell.

"Can you… help me?" he panted. "Can't get… that stupid goose… in the pen."

He stared at me with wide eyes and a sheen of sweat across his forehead. Looking back, his tragic state was rather humorous. But I didn't find anything funny about it at the time. Having had enough of his antics, I looked him in the eyes, and said, "Geese fly, Haymitch. They aren't going to stay in that pen."

Then I slammed the door in his face and locked the dead bolt before he could say anything else. I didn't expect to see the geese for very long, but to my surprise they stuck around. He neglected them when he had alcohol at his disposal, but they seemed to give him some kind of sanity while he waited for the next train to arrive. I was grateful for them because they kept him away from me.

As I finish up the story, I see that Peeta, who hasn't stopped laughing since I began, is wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Man, I wish I could have been around to see that," he says. "Sounds like you two have been as fun as ever."

"That's one way to put it," I mumble.

"What? Haymitch hasn't been your favorite neighbor for these past two years?" he teases.

"That's an understatement," I say. Then I admit, "We stopped speaking a few months later and would probably still be ignoring each other if I hadn't gotten your letter."

He considers this for a moment and must realize why the bitterness would have grown between us. Neither of us are pleasant people on our own. Peeta was always the forgiving one. He finally says, "Then I'm glad you got the letter."

"Me too," I say.

After that, we settle back onto the bed. My head rests against his chest, and I listen to his heart as it beats steadily. Without the conversation as a distraction, my thoughts find their way back to the mission tomorrow. I might die in the process, but I am going to come face to face with the man who has kept Peeta from me for the last two years. Kent Snow. It's a miracle, really, that Peeta was as sane as he was when they found him. Kent must have had access to the medication Peeta needed to ward off the attacks. Otherwise, he would have never continued to recover.

Something falls into place in my mind, and the dread begins to rise in me as I realize what bothered me about Peeta's answer to my earlier question. If they had access to his medicine then, who's to say they don't have access to it now? I shoot up so quickly that the blood rushes to my head and I have to steady myself to keep from fainting. Peeta jumps, alarmed by my sudden movement.

"When did you lose your medication?" I ask quickly.

"Earlier this week," he says cautiously. "Katniss, where are you going with this?"

"Where are your pills?" I ask, ignoring his question. "Dr. Aurelius needs to look at them now."

His face suddenly takes on a look of recognition. "Someone tampered with my medicine," he says.

"Exactly," I respond. "There's no other explanation. You were fine up until two days ago, and the attacks don't seem to be connected to a person or an event."

He sits quietly for a moment, letting this new revelation sink in. We both know it's true, but Peeta tries to counter my logic anyway. "But why would they do that? If they wanted to get me back, they wouldn't want even more eyes watching me."

"They aren't trying to get you back, Peeta. Your attacks were only meant to be a distraction," I say. As the realization fully hits me, my blood begins to boil. I feel the hate deep within like I haven't felt since the rebellion. I say my next words slowly, though clenched teeth.

"Snow is still using you to break me."


End file.
